She smiles, taps my arm so I move from her lap, and she pulls out her tablet.
The Hurdles for Planning Your Daughter's Wedding
I pull my feet up on the couch and cuddle closer. The first one on the list gives my heart a warm squeeze.
1. Learn to let my Lizzie go … again.
"I don't know why I put the biggest Hurdle first." She laughs, squeezing me into her side. "I'll never be able to get to the other ones."
I bite my lip and push into her hold for a second, then reach to my laptop and pull up my own Hurdle List. I meant for her to see the one about telling her about the engagement, and how nervous I was, but she points to the top one on the list and raises an amused eyebrow.
"Operation Great Sex, huh?"
"That is not the one you're supposed to be looking at."
She flicks a loose curl out of her eyes. "Did you convince him?"
"I did. That one was easier than I thought. It's the … execution that's the hard part."
I explain to her the no-sex deal, what's at stake, and then I'm suddenly babbling about how we're both trying to get each other to give in. Mom's equal parts laughing and blushing.
"That explains Mr. Risky Business."
"Yeah, probably."
"I have a question, though."
"Okay."
"Why cut yourselves off in the first place?"
"You really want to hear this?" I twist my fingers in my lap, wondering how open I should be here. Mom'll probably have some good insight on making that part of the relationship continually hot over the course of several years. I had to block memories of banging headboards from when I was a kid.
Mom puts her tablet down next to my computer and smiles. "You can talk to me about anything. I'm sure we'll talk about a lot more when you get pregnant and your body starts doing things you never thought it would."
"Okay … Landon's good at, um, satisfying me … ?" Lawdy, I'm talking satisfied sex with my mother. She gives an encouraging nod, so I let my chest sort of unknot and keep going. "But, well, the night we got engaged was kind of … meh."
"So you cut him off sex till the wedding? Seems a bit harsh." Her shoulders shake with silent laughter. I push on her leg.
"No. It was a weird day that day. My mind was elsewhere and it would've taken me a long time to … anyway, I just … my wedding night … it should be perfect. So even after the long day, tired feet and tired minds, I want to be able to … I want to … "
"Orgasm?"
I put my hands over my fiery red cheeks. My mom just said orgasm.
"Was that night the first time you didn't orgasm? Because I'd say, lucky you!"
"No … but ugh, I don't want to make Landon sound lame, Mom." But I find it equally mortifying to talk about what a good lover he is too.,
"I'm not going to think that. In fact, I'll probably try not to think about it at all."
I let out a sigh and drop my hands. "The first couple times we had sex were a little awkward, but we found out more about each other's, you know, desires and it was wow. For a long time, wow. But then our lives got … for lack of a better word, busy. And so our hot sessions sort of morphed into … "
"Commercial break sex?"
My eyes widen. "Yes, exactly."
"That happens to every relationship. It's okay. When you two are together it's still intimate and nice, right?"
I slowly nod. "I mean, it's good between us, mainly because we know what's what on who and what makes who go 'OH!' Even the times I don't orgasm, it's been … fun." Just short.
"That's good. It should always be fun."
It is always fun. I like fun. I like when he teases me while kissing my neck. I love the smile on his face and the playful bites he gives to my shoulders. The way he always makes me laugh first, then turns those laughs into something else entirely. I miss it … but not nearly as much as something new, exciting, and for our wedding night, the first time with him as my husband, I crave something different. No … not different … more.
"I want passionate."
"It should be that, too. You love him, right?"
I roll my eyes. "Of course."
"Then, when it comes to making love, just … love him." She pats my leg. "That being said, I completely understand wanting to wait. It could help bring back the spark you want."
"You think?"
"To paraphrase, absence makes the clitoris grow fonder."
I jolt back. "What did you just say?"
She starts laughing, making me laugh and cover my cheeks again. If my right-winged, conservative mother spouts off any more medically correct words I'm going to have to surgically hinge my jaw back on.
Then again, I'd rather hear "clitoris" than "pussy." Let's leave that word only in Landon's vocabulary.
Chapter 18
NOVEMBER
It's been three months to the day since Landon's proposal. Mom went back to Georgia, I've been working like a dog, and Landon's been editing every night when I get home. So even though it's 9:30, we're both immobile in our bed.
"Liz, you still awake?" Landon asks.
"Mihimiflagon."
"Do you remember when I … when it … slipped?"
"Hrmmmh?"
"You know, that time we got a little rough and I came out and accidentally thrust back into your-"
"What in the world … ?" I mumble in my half-sleep. We haven't talked about the accidental slip since its occurrence. It hurt like hell, for one, and for two, it was embarrassing. We'd only been intimate a few times, but that time it was humphumphumphumphump, shit, ouch, holy mother of pearl, sorrysorrysorry, then we slept on polar opposites of the mattress.
"Well … " I hear him scratch something. "We were pretty cautious after that. For a while. But then we fell back into our rhythm."
He's right. It was probably two months of slow hump … hump … hump. But it's the dead of night, and I actually want to sleep and not toss and turn with thought of any humping.
"Do you have a point, Landon?"
"I just thought it was interesting."
"Hmm … " I'm so tired. Lack of rest and too much work equals automatic sleep. I curl into the sheets, ignoring the cold and the bizarre "slip" question, and start to drift away. Landon's breathing turns heavy and sleepy not ten minutes in.
I'm cold. November's temperature is quickly dropping, and nights are the worst because Landon's next to me, warm and comforting, and he's even warmer when his shirt rises above his abs and I can press against his skin. So I turn around in the bed and give him the butt. Landon's hand plops on my hip. Funny … I thought he finally fell asleep. And I don't have the energy to push it off, so I let him keep it there.
Then it moves to my stomach and pulls me flush against him.
"Mmmm … " I involuntarily moan. He presses a kiss under my ear.
"I love you," he whispers, and it sends chills up and down my entire body, making me shiver against him in a way that makes him want to spin me around. He kisses me hard, then soft, then hard again. He's warm. So warm. I feel a sweat coming on as he lifts on his arms and rains kisses up and down, down and up, all over my neck and chest. I arch my back, wanting to press against him, feel his heat and my heat and our heat.
"Landon … " I whimper, nearly at the point of begging. This is torture. He's revving me up, only to leave me dry.
"I'm not teasing you, Tumbles," he says, and when I open my eyes I see that he means it.
"You're … you're going to … "
His hand rakes up my ribs and purposely rests on my breast. There's the slightest smile in the corner of his mouth, and I let out a deep groan as he massages my nipple, pulls and tweaks and sends hyperactive beads to Miss Liz. She's swimming in Chocolateville, waving a plane ticket to the Bahamas. We have won! And I didn't even have to pretend to work out this time.
Landon reaches up with his other hand so neither breast is forgotten. His lips capture mine, swallowing my moans. I start rocking my hips, needing relief, but I can't quite get it enough to satisfy. I rub harder, push harder, but it's not working.
"Landon … "
"Yeah, baby?"
"I need … I want you to … "
I'm so deep in chocolate that I don't notice that his kisses feel weird. The tongue that traces the valley of my lips is too soft. Squishy. Actually, his whole body is. I open my eyes and it's Landon. It's him, but it doesn't feel like him.
"Come here," he says, flipping me over. His hands grab my ass, igniting a fire low in my belly as he guides me on top of him. He feels harder now. He's much harder now that I'm on top. I grind into him, finally relieving some of the pleasure pains.
"Oh my-"
"Liz … "
"Yes. Yes!"
"Liz … "
"Landon … "
"Liz … you need to wake up."
I am awake. Oh my, am I awake.
"Damn it, Liz!"
My eyes snap open. The room is dark, the bedspread a crumpled heap between my legs. Once my eyes adjust I notice the way I'm wrapped around Landon, clutching at his shirt, breathing hard into the crook of his neck.