Midnight Moon (Vampire for Hire #13)(12)

"Sam, let me begin by saying that yours is a free-will universe, a universe based primarily on attraction."

I had some idea what "He" was talking about, but I wanted to hear it from "Him."

"Which means?" I asked.

"It means people get to sort it out themselves, without interference from me." 

"You are here now. Is that not interference?"

"You are asking the big questions, Sam. I am here to give you the big answers."

"You're saying that no one else can provide me the answers I'm seeking?"

"Your questions are without precedent."

"You're telling me no one has asked these questions before?"

"Few, and those who did didn't do so with the expectation of receiving the answer."

"Because this is also a universe of attraction," I said aloud, "I attracted the answer. I attracted, in essence, you."

"Yes, Sam."

"And it is not interference if I am seeking you out."

"You did not seek me out, Sam. You expected. Seeking and expecting are two different vibrations."

"I was just looking for answers. I wasn't looking for God."

There was a pause, and I nodded.

"Except we are all God."

"Aspects of God, yes. Children of God, yes."

"And sometimes the answer needs to come from the source itself."

"I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, speak the question that's heaviest on your heart."

"You already know it."

"Stating the question prepares one for the answer. It paves the way, so to speak."

"Fine," I said, and collected my thoughts. "When I die, do I..." My throat clenched tight. With my free hand, I reached over and cracked the window for more air. I suddenly needed it for reasons I couldn't explain. Old habit, I thought. I noted two homeless guys who had gathered on the sidewalk in front of a bakery not too far from me. They were already hunkered down and sleeping. How long had I been sitting here? Surely no more than ten minutes. But maybe longer.

Refreshed and cleared-minded-or as clear as I could make it-I said, "If I die, do I cease to exist?"





Chapter Ten



One of the homeless guys held an empty McDonald's cup up above his head, even though he appeared to be sound asleep. He had no takers. People pushed babies by-or jogged or walked by, his cup ignored.

My hand twitched and twitched, spelling the words: "First of all, Sam, I am going to give you some information that you did not know before."

"Well, duh," I said. "That's why I'm asking. And did I just say 'duh' to God?"

"You did, Sam."

"I'm sorry?"

"Is that a question or an apology?"

"Both?"

"You did it again. And you were right: that was a 'duh' moment. I should have elaborated. I am going to give you information that was not asked, but relates to your question. Such information could be misinterpreted as me interfering."

"Look, God, or Most High, or Almighty, Jehovah, Hosanna, the Big Guy in the Sky... whatever your name is. This whole not interfering business was your idea. Not mine. If you want to help me, feel free. Lord knows I need all the help I can get."

"The Lord does know, and you don't need as much help as you might think."

"Is that your idea of a pep talk?"

"It is truth, Sam. You have within you all the answers you will ever need."

"Except the answer about what happens to me when I die."

"Oh, it's in there."

"Then why am I talking to you?"

"Because you don't believe it's in there."

I thought about that, and shrugged. "Okay, you got me. I guess I don't believe it's in there."



       
         
       
        

"Which leads to my earlier statement."

"The part about you giving me information that might be construed as interfering?"

"Yes, Sam. That part."

"I'm all ears," I said, looking at the pad of paper. "Or eyes."

Triggered by the softest of electrical impulses, my pen spelled out: "First off, you give the entity within you too much credit."

"How so?"

"You attribute your great strength to her, and this is a fallacy."

"And what's the truth?"

"Much of your strength is yours alone, including your ability to connect telepathically and to teleport, among other things."

"I don't understand..."

"You have been selling yourself short, Samantha Moon. You believe you are beholden to her because of the gifts she has given you. In truth, she has given you very little."