"'But men who know themselves, their resources, and choose to indulge for a time, may often come and lay the foundation to a very pretty fortune.'
"'Do you see your friend?' I inquired.--'No, I do not; but I will inquire if he has been here--if not, we will go.'
"He left me for a moment or two to make some inquiry, and I stood looking at the table, where there were four players, and who seemed to be engaged at a friendly game; and when one party won they looked grave, and when the other party lost they smiled and looked happy. I walked away, as the chevalier did not return immediately to me; and then I saw a gentleman rise up from a table. He had evidently lost. I was standing by the seat, unconsciously holding the back in my hand. I sat down without thinking or without speaking, and found myself at the hazard table.
"'Do you play, sir?'--'Yes,' I said. I had hardly uttered the words when I was sorry for them; but I could not recall them. I sat down, and play at once commenced.
"In about ten or fifteen minutes, often losing and then winning, I found myself about a hundred and twenty pounds in pocket, clear gain by the play.
"'Ah!' said the chevalier, who came up at that moment, 'I thought you wouldn't play.'--'I really don't know how it happened,' said I, 'but I suddenly found myself here without any previous intention.'
"'You are not a loser, I hope?'--'Indeed I am not,' I replied; 'but not much a gainer.'
"'Nor need you desire to be. Do you desire to give your adversary his revenge now, or take another opportunity.'--'At another time,' I replied.
"'You will find me here the day after to-morrow, when I shall be at your service;' then bowing, he turned away.
"'He is a very rich man whom you have been playing with,' said the chevalier.--"
"Indeed!"
"'Yes, and I have known him to lose for three days together; but you may take his word for any amount; he is a perfect gentleman and man of honour.'--''Tis well to play with such,' I replied; 'but I suppose you are about to leave.'
"'Yes, it grows late, and I have some business to transact to-morrow, so I must leave.'--'I will accompany you part of the way home,' said I, 'and then I shall have finished the night.'
"I did leave with him, and accompanied him home, and then walked to my own home."
* * * * *
"This was my first visit, and I thought a propitious beginning, but it was the more dangerous. Perhaps a loss might have effectually deterred me, but it is doubtful to tell how certain events might have been altered. It is just possible that I might have been urged on by my desire to retrieve any loss I might have incurred, and so made myself at once the miserable being it took months to accomplish in bringing me to.
"I went the day but one after this, to meet the same individual at the gambling-table, and played some time with varied success, until I left off with a trifling loss upon the night's play, which was nothing of any consequence.
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"Thus matters went on; I sometimes won and sometimes lost, until I won a few hundreds, and this determined me to play for higher stakes than any I had yet played for.
"It was no use going on in the peddling style I had been going on; I had won two hundred and fifty pounds in three months, and had I been less fearful I might have had twenty-five thousand pounds. Ah! I'll try my fortune at a higher game.
"Having once made this resolution, I was anxious to begin my new plan, which I hoped would have the effect of placing me far above my then present position in society, which was good, and with a little attention it would have made me an independent man; but then it required patience, and nothing more. However, the other method was so superior since it might all be done with good luck in a few months. Ah! good luck; how uncertain is good luck; how changeful is fortune; how soon is the best prospect blighted by the frosts of adversity. In less than a month I had lost more than I could pay, and then I gambled on for a living.
"My wife had but one child; her first and only one; an infant at her breast; but there was a change came over her; for one had come over me--a fearful one it was too--one not only in manner but in fortune too. She would beg me to come home early; to attend to other matters, and leave the dreadful life I was then leading.
"'Lizzy,' said I, 'we are ruined.'--'Ruined!' she exclaimed, and staggered back, until she fell into a seat. 'Ruined!'
"'Ay, ruined. It is a short word, but expressive.'--'No, no, we are not ruined. I know what you mean, you would say, we cannot live as we have lived; we must retrench, and so we will, right willingly.'
"'You must retrench most wonderfully,' I said, with desperate calmness, 'for the murder must out.'--'And so we will; but you will be with us; you will not go out night after night, ruining your health, our happiness, and destroying both peace and prospects.'