Varney the Vampire 2(130)

 

"On that head you can use your own discretion. The deed was done; there was sufficient light for us to look upon the features of the dying man. Ghastly and terrific they glared upon us; while the glazed eyes, as they were upturned to the bright sky, seemed appealing to Heaven for vengeance against us, for having done the deed.

 

"Many a day and many an hour since at all times and all seasons, I have seen those eyes, with the glaze of death upon them, following me, and gloating over the misery they had the power to make. I think I see them now."

 

"Indeed!"

 

"Yes; look--look--see how they glare upon me--with what a fixed and frightful stare the bloodshot pupils keep their place--there, there! oh! save me from such a visitation again. It is too horrible. I dare not--I cannot endure it; and yet why do you gaze at me with such an aspect, dread visitant? You know that it was not my hand that did the deed--who laid you low. You know that not to me are you able to lay the heavy charge of your death!"

 

"Varney, you look upon vacancy," said Charles Holland.

 

"No, no; vacancy it may be to you, but to me 'tis full of horrible shapes."

 

"Compose yourself; you have taken me far into your confidence already; I pray you now to tell me all. I have in my brain no room for horrible conjectures such as those which might else torment me."

 

Varney was silent for a few minutes, and then he wiped from his brow the heavy drops of perspiration that had there gathered, and heaved a deep sigh.

 

"Speak to me," added Charles; "nothing will so much relieve you from the terrors of this remembrance as making a confidence which reflection will approve of, and which you will know that you have no reason to repent."

 

"Charles Holland," said Varney, "I have already gone too far to retract--much too far, I know, and can well understand all the danger of half confidence. You already know so much, that it is fit you should know more."

 

"Go on then, Varney, I will listen to you."

 

"I know not if, at this juncture, I can command myself to say more. I feel that what next has to be told will be most horrible for me to tell--most sad for you to hear told."

 

"I can well believe, Varney, from your manner of speech, and from the words you use, that you have some secret to relate beyond this simple fact of the murder of this gamester by Marmaduke Bannerworth."

 

"You are right--such is the fact; the death of that man could not have moved me as you now see me moved. There is a secret connected with his fate which I may well hesitate to utter--a secret even to whisper to the winds of heaven--I--although I did not do the deed, no, no--I--I did not strike the blow--not I--not I!"

 

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"Varney, it is astonishing to me the pains you take to assure yourself of your innocence of this deed; no one accuses you, but still, were it not that I am impressed with a strong conviction that you're speaking to me nothing but the truth, the very fact of your extreme anxiety to acquit yourself, would engender suspicion."

 

"I can understand that feeling, Charles Holland; I can fully understand it. I do not blame you for it--it is a most natural one; but when you know all, you will feel with me how necessary it must have been to my peace to seize upon every trivial circumstance that can help me to a belief in my own innocence."

 

"It may be so; as yet, you well know, I speak in ignorance. But what could there have been in the character of that gambler, that has made you so sympathetic concerning his decease?"

 

"Nothing--nothing whatever in his character. He was a bad man; not one of those free, open spirits which are seduced into crime by thoughtlessness--not one of those whom we pity, perchance, more than we condemn; but a man without a redeeming trait in his disposition--a man so heaped up with vices and iniquities, that society gained much by his decease, and not an individual could say that he had lost a friend."

 

"And yet the mere thought of the circumstances connected with his death seems almost to drive you to the verge of despair."

 

"You are right; the mere thought has that effect."

 

"You have aroused all my curiosity to know the causes of such a feeling."

 

Varney paced the apartment in silence for many minutes. He seemed to be enduring a great mental struggle, and at length, when he turned to Charles Holland and spoke, there were upon his countenance traces of deep emotion.

 

"I have said, young man, that I will take you into my confidence. I have said that I will clear up many seeming mysteries, and that I will enable you to understand what was obscure in the narrative of Dr. Chillingworth, and of that man who filled the office of public executioner, and who has haunted me so long."