«I'm not mean. I'm just trying to keep you safe.»
«Are you sure it's me you're thinking about? Not some skeleton in your closet? Like the time you-«
Miranda turned up the radio.
«Turn that down! I was talking and I'm the customer.»
«Not anymore.»
Sibby yelled really loud, «What happened to your sister?»
«I don't know what you are talking about,» Miranda yelled back.
«That's a lie.»
Miranda didn't say anything.
«I asked you before if you had a sister and you got all teary,» Sibby shouted in her ear. «Why won't you tell me?»
Miranda turned down the radio. «Can you give me three good reasons why I should?»
«It might make you feel better. It would give us something to talk about while we sit here. And if you don't tell me, I'm going to start guessing.»
Miranda leaned her head back, checked her watch, and turned to stare out the window. «Be my guest.»
«You bugged her so much she left? You bored her so much she left? Or did you drive her away with the huge stick you keep up your butt?»
«Stop being tender with my feelings. Go on, tell me what you really think.»
From the backseat Sibby said, «That might have been too mean. Sorry.»
Miranda didn't say anything.
«You don't really have a stick in your butt. You couldn't drive then, right? Ha-ha?»
Silence.
«But I mean, you started it. With the child-lock thing. I'm not a child. I'm fourteen.»
More silence.
«I said I was sorry.» In the backseat Sibby slumped, sighed. «Fine. Be that way.»
Silence. Until, for no reason she could explain, Miranda said, «They died.»
Sibby sat up quick now, leaning toward the front seat. «Who? Your sisters?»
«Everyone. My whole family.»
«Was it because of something you did?»
«Yes. And because of something I didn't do. I think.»
«Um, Grandma Grim, that doesn't make any sense. How can not doing something-wait, you think?. Don't you know what happened?»
«I can't really remember anything from that part of my life.»
«You mean from that day?»
«No. From that year. And the year after. Anything pretty much from when I was ten until when I turned twelve. And there are a few other holes, too.»
«You mean that stuff is just too painful to remember?»
«No, it's just… gone. All I have are impressions.» And the dreams. Really really bad dreams.
«Like what?»
«Like that I wasn't where I should have been and something happened and I let everyone down…» She stopped, waved a hand in the air.
«Wait, you actually think you could have stopped whatever happened to them? By yourself? When you were four years younger than me?»
Miranda's throat felt like it was closing up. She'd never told anyone even that much of her real history before, never talked about it, not even with Kenzi. Ever. She swallowed hard. «I could have tried. I could have been there and tried.»
«Oh my gods, now this is some kind of pity party. Yawn. Wake me when you're done.»
Miranda gaped at her in the mirror. «I told you I didn't want to talk about it but you kept bugging me and now you turn into the mayor of TellItLikeItIsVille?» Swallowing again. «You little-«
«You don't even know what happened! How can you feel so bad about it? Plus, I don't see how that can be your fault. You weren't even there and you were only ten. I think you should stop obsessing about some mystery thing that is ancient history and live in the mo.»
«I'm sorry, did you just tell me to 'live in the mo'?»
«Yes. You know, ditch the past and try focusing on what's going on in the present. Like that the song on the radio right now? Sucks. And that there is a whole city of cute boys out there I am not kissing.» Miranda took a deep breath, but before she could say anything, Sibby went on. «I know, I know you say you're sorry to the people you knock out because you never got to say sorry to your family, and you have to keep me safe because you couldn't keep them safe. I get it now.»
«That is not what's going on. I-«
«Blah blah blah, insert denials here. Anyway, why does 'safe' have to mean sitting in this car with you all night? Isn't there somewhere we could blend in? Instead of hiding? I'm good at blending. I'm like butter.»