Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang(52)

 

“Hugs?” Mattias asked.

 

“No!” I said quickly, ignoring the looks we were getting as we strolled through town to a nearby car rental agency. “Behave yourself, or you’ll have to take another long nap like you did on the plane.”

 

“I will behave,” he promised solemnly.

 

Are you absolutely certain the reapers want him back? Kristoff asked as we entered the car rental place. We could just drop him off somewhere and make our escape.

 

Kristoff! We can’t do that! He’s like a child in this state, very suggestible and clueless. Anyone could take advantage of him and make him do the most heinous acts without him being aware of it. They could even make him throw himself off the top of one of the fjords.

 

Only if we’re very lucky.

 

I gave him a mental glare. He actually smiled into my mind, a warm, tickling sensation that left me silently bemused, watching him as he arranged for a car.

 

“Ulfur first,” I told him once he had possession of the keys.

 

“Reaper first, then your spirit.”

 

“Ulfur has been left alone, and is probably bored out of his mind-”

 

“And the Dark Ones guarding the reaper could be alerted at any moment that we are in the vicinity.”

 

I made a little face. He had a point. “All right, but if Ulfur yells at me because we got Kristjana first, I’m totally blaming you.”

 

Fifteen minutes later we were beetling out of Reykjavik to a town about half an hour away, where the Brotherhood folk had said Kristjana was being held. I looked up from the GPS unit and over to the man who sat beside me, and decided the time had come to get to know him better.

 

How come you know terms like “blow job”? “Turn left at the next cross street, then a right onto the highway.”

 

Kristoff shot me a quick glance before returning his gaze to the road. Why shouldn’t I know what a blow job is?

 

“Pia, Pia, Pia,” Mattias said happily from the backseat.

 

I sighed. “Nap time, Mattias! You’re tired. Very tired. Go to sleep until I wake you up.”

 

“All right. I will sleep. You will wake me up. Smoochie?”

 

Because you were born during the Renaissance, weren’t you? “I’m going to give Magda hell for ever using that word in front of you. No, you do not need a good-night smooch. Go to sleep.”

 

Yes. Kristoff smiled . That doesn’t mean I hadn’t had a blow job before I met you.

 

No, of course not, I answered, pushing down a nasty sting of jealousy at the thought of him being so pleasured by any other woman.

 

The smile deepened.

 

But it’s an awfully modern term for you to be bandying about. I mean, didn’t you have some other name for it back then? Something euphemistic and romantic?

 

A soft “Pia, Pia, Pia,” drifted up from the backseat, where Mattias, still firmly in the grip of the mind-altering light-binding, lay with his eyes closed. I felt a momentary pang of guilt at keeping the spell on him, but a memory of his antagonistic tendencies had me brushing away the concern.

 

Well, there was one phrase I recall being used.

 

Oh, good. What was it?

 

The whore’s kiss.

 

I shot him a glare.

 

His lips curled a smidgen more. Why did you want to know?

 

If we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, I thought it would be nice if we got to know each other better. I’m boring, but you’ve lived centuries. I can only imagine the sorts of things you must have seen.

 

All I remember is death, disease, and lots of fleas.

 

I sat back in my seat, disgruntled.

 

Oh, and one exceptionally talented prostitute in Rome. She had the most amazing muscle control. You would not believe what she could do with a hard-boiled egg.

 

You know, I’m willing to bet I can guess.

 

Silence filled the car as we drove through the night. It was starting to get dark now in Iceland during the nights, the endless sun of summer beginning its journey into early fall. I looked out into the darkness, wondering at how much my life had changed since I had first been here.

 

What is the mortal expression-“penny for your thoughts”?

 

Oh, come, now-you may be immortal, but you’ve been around us lesser folk long enough to pick up phrases like “blow job.” I couldn’t help but smile a little at his attempt at mental coyness.

 

I guarantee you that every male, no matter what form he takes, knows every colloquial phrase for oral sex. Some of us, however, have little to do with the mortal world.

 

I slid him a glance. “That must make it a bit difficult. Surely you had to interact with humans in order to eat.”