All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire(10)

 

"Only Vamps and dogs can hear it."

 

"Oh. Which one are you?"

 

"Snap!" Phineas slapped his leg. "She's killing you, man."

 

"Phineas," Ian growled. "I'm trying to have a conversation here." He turned to Toni. "I'm sorry, lass, but this will never work. Ye canna guard a houseful of men. Ye see how Phineas reacts to you."

 

"He's a lot nicer than you are!" Her eyes glinted with anger. "And it's not my problem if you're a bunch of sexist pigs. I can do this job, with or without PMS. I beat Phineas earlier, and I would have pinned you down, too, given more time."

 

"Lass, ye would never pin me." He leaned toward her. "I like to be on top."

 

Her eyes flashed with green fire.

 

"Good one!" Phineas shook a fist in the air. "You're making your comeback, bro. You da man!"

 

"He's a pig," Toni grumbled.

 

"Oink, oink," Phineas squeaked.

 

"Enough, Phineas!" Ian glowered at him. "I can see why ye were murdered young."

 

A laugh escaped from Toni, but she quickly squelched it and frowned at him.

 

She had a sense of humor? It wasn't all that important in the grand scheme of things, but Ian was suddenly taken with the challenge to make her laugh again, or at least make her smile. Unfortunately he couldn't think of anything amusing to say.

 

He rose to his feet and executed a gallant bow. "I apologize for attacking you. I hope I dinna hurt you."

 

Her frown relaxed slightly. "I'm okay."

 

He offered a hand to help her up.

 

She regarded him suspiciously. "You're not going to tell Connor to fire me, are you? I really can do this job."

 

An uneasy feeling settled in his gut. Why on earth would a lovely mortal woman want a job guarding vampires? "I'll let ye stay if ye answer a few questions honestly."

 

A guarded look flitted over her face, then she smiled brightly and took his hand. "Sure. What do you want to know?" She rose gracefully to her feet.

 

His hand tightened around hers. The uncertainty in his gut twinged. He knew she wasn't going to be entirely honest. Her smile was too forced, and her heartbeat had just speeded up.

 

"Why do ye want this job?" he asked quietly.

 

She pulled her hand from his grasp. "It pays extremely well. And I get free room and board, which is worth a fortune in Manhattan."

 

"And ye get stuck in a house all day with some dead carcasses."

 

"No job is perfect." She folded her arms across her chest. "None of you wake up crying or needing a diaper change, so it's easier than the usual babysitting job."

 

Babysitting? Now that was bloody annoying.

 

Meanwhile Phineas was snickering. "Yeah, take care of me, hot mama. I need a sponge bath. And some of that baby oil rubbed all over me. I'm feeling a bit chafed, if you know what I mean."

 

Her mouth twitched.

 

Did she find Phineas amusing? That irritated him even more. Ian stepped closer to her, gritting his teeth. "We're no' babies. We're seasoned warriors."

 

She affected a big shudder. "Ooh, I'm scared."

 

Did she doubt their prowess? Ian moved closer. "Lass, ye have no idea how fierce we can be."

 

Her smile withered, and a pained look crossed her face. "I know that too well. There's no need to remind me."

 

"Were ye attacked?" Ian looked at her neck, but couldn't see any sign of bite marks above the high neck of her black outfit. "Is that how ye found out about us?"

 

The stubborn lift of her chin indicated her refusal to divulge more information. But she'd mentioned before that she tended to get pissed whenever vampires attacked her. The sun would be rising soon, and Ian and the other Vamps would fall into their death-sleep. All day long they would lie defenseless and vulnerable. And their guard appeared to hold a grudge against them.

 

"Lass, why should I trust you to watch over us?"

 

Her brows lifted. "Are you worried about what I might do when you're totally helpless and at my mercy?"

 

He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Are ye threatening us? I could erase yer memory, and shove you out the door right now."

 

"No!" Now she looked panicked. "Please. I–I really need this job. I promised Connor that I would never harm any of you. Ask him. He believes me."

 

Ian released her and stepped back. "I will ask him."

 

She glanced at him nervously. "I need to change into my uniform before my shift starts."

 

Phineas yawned. "Yeah. I'm getting sleepy. Good night, sweetness." He extended a closed fist toward Toni.