I was grateful that I’d had so many months’ practice with controlling my thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the terrifying possibilities that, no matter what Alice said, I did not intend to survive, I concentrated on lesser problems. Like, what I was going to say to Charlie if I got back? That was a thorny enough problem to occupy several hours. And Jacob? He’d promised to wait for me, but did that promise still apply? Would I end up home alone in Forks, with no one at all? Maybe I didn’t want to survive, no matter what happened.
It felt like seconds later when Alice shook my shoulder—I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep.
“Bella,” she hissed, her voice a little too loud in the darkened cabin full of sleeping humans.
I wasn’t disoriented—I hadn’t been out long enough for that.
“What’s wrong?”
Alice’s eyes gleamed in the dim light of a reading lamp in the row behind us.
“It’s not wrong.” She smiled fiercely. “It’s right. They’re deliberating, but they’ve decided to tell him no.”
“The Volturi?” I muttered, groggy.
“Of course, Bella, keep up. I can see what they’re going to say.”
“Tell me.”
An attendant tiptoed down the aisle to us. “Can I get you ladies a pillow?” His hushed whisper was a rebuke to our comparatively loud conversation.
“No, thank you.” Alice beamed at up at him, her smile shockingly lovely. The attendant’s expression was dazed as he turned and stumbled his way back.
“Tell me,” I breathed almost silently.
She whispered into my ear. “They’re interested in him—they think his talent could be useful. They’re going to offer him a place with them.”
“What will he say?”
“I can’t see that yet, but I’ll bet it’s colorful.” She grinned again. “This is the first good news—the first break. They’re intrigued; they truly don’t want to destroy him—‘wasteful,’ that’s the word Aro will use—and that may be enough to force him to get creative. The longer he spends on his plans, the better for us.”
It wasn’t enough to make me hopeful, to make me feel the relief she obviously felt. There were still so many ways that we could be too late. And if I didn’t get through the walls into the Volturi city, I wouldn’t be able to stop Alice from dragging me back home.
“Alice?”
“What?”
“I’m confused. How are you seeing this so clearly? And then other times, you see things far away—things that don’t happen?”
Her eyes tightened. I wondered if she guessed what I was thinking of.
“It’s clear because it’s immediate and close, and I’m really concentrating. The faraway things that come on their own—those are just glimpses, faint maybes. Plus, I see my kind more easily than yours. Edward is even easier because I’m so attuned to him.”
“You see me sometimes,” I reminded her.
She shook her head. “Not as clearly.”
I sighed. “I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met . . .”
“What do you mean?”
“You saw me become one of you.” I barely mouthed the words.
She sighed. “It was a possibility at the time.”
“At the time,” I repeated.
“Actually, Bella . . .” She hesitated, and then seemed to make a choice. “Honestly, I think it’s all gotten beyond ridiculous. I’m debating whether to just change you myself.”
I stared at her, frozen with shock. Instantly, my mind resisted her words. I couldn’t afford that kind of hope if she changed her mind.
“Did I scare you?” she wondered. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I do!” I gasped. “Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much—and I wouldn’t slow you down. Bite me!”
“Shh,” she cautioned. The attendant was looking in our direction again. “Try to be reasonable,” she whispered. “We don’t have enough time. We have to get into Volterra tomorrow. You’d be writhing in pain for days.” She made a face. “And I don’t think the other passengers would react well.”
I bit my lip. “If you don’t do it now, you’ll change your mind.”
“No.” She frowned, her expression unhappy. “I don’t think I will. He’ll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?”
My heart beat faster. “Nothing at all.”
She laughed quietly, and then sighed. “You have too much faith in me, Bella. I’m not sure that I can. I’ll probably just end up killing you.”