He almost smiled, but not quite. And then his face was grave. “I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it,” he explained. “Someplace where I couldn’t hurt you anymore.”
It didn’t sink in at first. I continued to stare at him blankly as the words one by one clicked into place in my head like a ghastly puzzle. I was barely conscious of the sound of my heart accelerating, though, as my breathing became hyperventilation, I was aware of the sharp aching in my protesting ribs.
He didn’t say anything; he watched my face warily as the pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, threatened to crush me.
And then another nurse walked purposefully into the room. Edward sat still as stone as she took in my expression with a practiced eye before turning to the monitors.
“Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?” she asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.
“No, no,” I mumbled, trying to keep the agony out of my voice. “I don’t need anything.” I couldn’t afford to close my eyes now.
“No need to be brave, honey. It’s better if you don’t get too stressed out; you need to rest.” She waited, but I just shook my head.
“Okay,” she sighed. “Hit the call button when you’re ready.”
She gave Edward a stern look, and threw one more anxious glance at the machinery, before leaving.
His cool hands were on my face; I stared at him with wild eyes.
“Shhh, Bella, calm down.”
“Don’t leave me,” I begged in a broken voice.
“I won’t,” he promised. “Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you.”
But my heart couldn’t slow.
“Bella.” He stroked my face anxiously. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me.”
“Do you swear you won’t leave me?” I whispered. I tried to control the gasping, at least. My ribs were throbbing.
He put his hands on either side of my face and brought his face close to mine. His eyes were wide and serious. “I swear.”
The smell of his breath was soothing. It seemed to ease the ache of my breathing. He continued to hold my gaze while my body slowly relaxed and the beeping returned to a normal pace. His eyes were dark, closer to black than gold today.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said cautiously.
He shook his head and muttered something unintelligible. I thought I picked out the word “overreaction.”
“Why did you say that?” I whispered, trying to keep my voice from shaking. “Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?”
“No, I don’t want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem with saving you, either — if it weren’t for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger . . . that I’m the reason that you’re here.”
“Yes, you are the reason.” I frowned. “The reason I’m here — alive.”
“Barely.” His voice was just a whisper. “Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move.”
“I wasn’t referring to my most recent near-death experience,” I said, growing irritated. “I was thinking of the others — you can take your pick. If it weren’t for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery.”
He winced at my words, but the haunted look didn’t leave his eyes.
“That’s not the worst part, though,” he continued to whisper. He acted as if I hadn’t spoken. “Not seeing you there on the floor . . . crumpled and broken.” His voice was choked. “Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain — all those unbearable memories that I’ll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling . . . knowing that I couldn’t stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I could have. So easily.”
I knew I needed to stay calm . . . but he was trying to talk himself into leaving me, and the panic fluttered in my lungs, trying to get out.
“Promise me,” I whispered.
“What?”
“You know what.” I was starting to get angry now. He was so stubbornly determined to dwell on the negative.
He heard the change in my tone. His eyes tightened. “I don’t seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you’ll get your way . . . whether it kills you or not,” he added roughly.
“Good.” He hadn’t promised, though — a fact that I had not missed. The panic was only barely contained; I had no strength left to control the anger. “You told me how you stopped . . . now I want to know why,” I demanded.