It took only seconds for me to make these discoveries, but even in that short time, my stomach nearly jumped through my mouth trying to reach the food.
I ripped into the bread. It was very dense, studded with whole-grain kernels that caught in my teeth. The texture was gritty, but the flavor was wonderfully rich. I couldn’t remember anything tasting more delicious to me, not even my mushed-up Twinkies. My jaw worked as fast as it could, but I swallowed most of the mouthfuls of tough bread half-chewed. I could hear each mouthful hit my stomach with a gurgle. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. Too long empty, my stomach reacted to the food with discomfort.
I ignored that and moved on to the liquid—it was soup. This went down easier. Aside from the onions I’d smelled, the taste was mild. The green chunks were soft and spongy. I drank it straight from the bowl and wished the bowl were deeper. I tipped it back to make sure I’d gotten every drop.
The white vegetables were crunchy in texture, woody in taste. Some kind of root. They weren’t as satisfying as the soup or as tasty as the bread, but I was grateful for their bulk. I wasn’t full—not close—and I probably would have started on the tray next if I thought I’d be able to chew through it.
It didn’t occur to me until I was finished that they shouldn’t be feeding me. Not unless Jared had lost the confrontation with the doctor. Though why would Jared be my guard if that were the case?
I slid the tray away when it was empty, cringing at the noise it made. I stayed pressed against the back wall of my bubble as Jared reached in to retrieve it. This time he didn’t look at me.
“Thank you,” I whispered as he disappeared again. He said nothing; there was no change in his face. Even the bit of his sleeve did not show this time, but I was sure he was there.
I can’t believe he hit me, Melanie mused, her thought incredulous rather than resentful. She was not over the surprise of it yet. I hadn’t been surprised in the first place. Of course he had hit me.
I wondered where you were, I answered. It would be poor manners to get me into this mess and then abandon me.
She ignored my sour tone. I wouldn’t have thought he’d be able to do it, no matter what. I don’t think I could hit him.
Sure you could. If he’d come at you with reflective eyes, you’d have done the same. You’re naturally violent. I remembered her daydreams of strangling the Seeker. That seemed like months ago, though I knew it was only days. It would make sense if it had been longer. It ought to take time to get oneself stuck in such a disastrous mire as the one I was in now.
Melanie tried to consider it impartially. I don’t think so. Not Jared… and Jamie, there’s no way I could hurt Jamie, even if he was… She trailed off, hating that line of thought.
I considered this and found it true. Even if the child had become something or someone else, neither she nor I could ever raise a hand to him.
That’s different. You’re like… a mother. Mothers are irrational here. Too many emotions involved.
Motherhood is always emotional—even for you souls.
I didn’t answer that.
What do you think is going to happen now?
You’re the expert on humans, I reminded her. It’s probably not a good thing that they’re giving me food. I can think of only one reason they’d want me strong.
The few specifics I remembered of historical human brutalities tangled in my head with the stories in the old newspaper we’d read the other day. Fire—that was a bad one. Melanie had burned all the fingerprints off her right hand once in a stupid accident, grabbing a pan she hadn’t realized was hot. I remembered how the pain had shocked her—it was so unexpectedly sharp and demanding.
It was just an accident, though. Quickly treated with ice, salves, medicine. No one had done it on purpose, continued on from the first sickening pain, drawing it out longer and longer…
I’d never lived on a planet where such atrocities could happen, even before the souls came. This place was truly the highest and the lowest of all worlds—the most beautiful senses, the most exquisite emotions… the most malevolent desires, the darkest deeds. Perhaps it was meant to be so. Perhaps without the lows, the highs could not be reached. Were the souls the exception to that rule? Could they have the light without the darkness of this world?
I… felt something when he hit you, Melanie interrupted. The words came slowly, one by one, as if she didn’t want to think them.
I felt something, too. It was amazing how natural it was to use sarcasm now, after spending so much time with Melanie. He’s got quite a backhand, doesn’t he?
That’s not what I meant. I mean… She hesitated for a long moment, and then the rest of the words came in a rush. I thought it was all me—the way we feel about him. I thought I was… in control of that.