The Host(228)

“You don’t care about the rest of anybody! You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie’s expense—nothing else matters to you.”

“And you want to have Melanie at Wanda’s expense—nothing else matters to you! So, with those things being equal, it comes down to what’s best for everyone else.”

“No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! That’s her body!”

They were both crouched halfway between sitting and standing now, their fists clenched and their faces twisted with rage.

“Cool it, boys! Cool it right now,” Jeb ordered. “This is a tribunal, and we’re going to stay calm and keep our heads. We’ve got to think about every side.”

“Jeb —” Jared began.

“Shut up.” Jeb chewed on his lip for a while. “Okay, here’s how I see it. Wanda’s right —”

Ian lurched to his feet.

“Hold it! Sit yourself back down. Let me finish.”

Jeb waited until Ian, the tendons standing out in his taut neck, stiffly returned to a seated position.

“Wanda is right,” Jeb said. “Mel needs her body back. But,” he added quickly when Ian tensed again, “but I don’t agree with the rest, Wanda. I think we need you pretty bad, kid. We got Seekers out there lookin’ for us, and you can talk right to ’em. The rest of us can’t do that. You save lives. I got to think about the welfare of my household.”

Jared spoke through his teeth. “So we get her another body. Obviously.”

Doc’s crumpled face lifted. Jeb’s white caterpillar eyebrows touched his hairline. Ian’s eyes widened and his lips pursed. He stared at me, considering.…

“No! No!” I shook my head frantically.

“Why not, Wanda?” Jeb asked. “Don’t sound like a half-bad idea to me.”

I swallowed and took a deep breath so my voice wouldn’t turn hysterical. “Jeb. Listen to me carefully, Jeb. I am tired of being a parasite. Can you understand that? Do you think I want to go into another body and have this start all over again? Do I have to feel guilty forever for taking someone’s life away from them? Do I have to have someone else hate me? I’m barely a soul anymore—I love you brutish humans too much. It’s wrong for me to be here, and I hate feeling that.”

I took another breath and spoke through the tears that were falling now. “And what if things change? What if you put me in some-one else, steal another life, and it goes wrong? What if that body pulls me after some other love, back to the souls? What if you can’t trust me anymore? What if I betray you next time? I don’t want to hurt you!”

The first part was the pure and unadorned truth, but I was lying wildly through the second. I hoped they wouldn’t hear that. It would help that the words were barely coherent, my tears turned to sobs. I would never hurt them. What had happened to me here was permanent, a part of the very atoms that made up my small body. But maybe, if I gave them a reason to fear me, they would more easily accept what had to be.

And my lies worked, for once. I caught the worried glance Jared and Jeb exchanged. They hadn’t thought of that—of my becoming untrustworthy, becoming a danger. Ian was already moving to put his arms around me. He dried my tears against his chest.

“It’s okay, honey. You don’t have to be anyone else. Nothing’s going to change.”

“Hold on, Wanda,” Jeb said, his shrewd eyes suddenly sharper. “How does going to one of those other planets help you? You’ll still be a parasite, kid.”

Ian flinched around me at the harsh word.

And I flinched also, because Jeb was too insightful, as always.

They waited for my answer, all but Doc, who knew what the real answer was. The one I wouldn’t give.

I tried to say only true things. “It’s different on other planets, Jeb. There isn’t any resistance. And the hosts themselves are different. They aren’t as individualized as humans, their emotions are so much milder. It doesn’t feel like stealing a life. Not like it feels here. No one will hate me. And I’d be too far away to hurt you. You’d be safer…”

The last part sounded too much like the lie it was, so I let my voice trail off.

Jeb stared at me through narrowed eyes, and I looked away.

I tried not to look at Doc, but I couldn’t help one brief glance, to make sure he understood. His eyes locked on mine, clearly miserable, and I knew that he did.

As I quickly lowered my gaze, I caught Jared staring at Doc. Had he seen the silent communication?

Jeb sighed. “This is… a pickle.” His face turned into a grimace as he concentrated on the dilemma.