The Host(180)

“You must be brave. I find the city much more comfortable.”

“Not brave—just different.”

In the mirror, my eyes were familiar rings of hazel. Dark gray on the outside, a circle of moss green, and then another circle of caramel brown around the pupil. Underlying it all, a faint shimmer of silver that would reflect the light, magnify it.

Jamie? Mel asked urgently, beginning to feel nervous. I was too comfortable here. She could see the logic of the other path laid out before me, and that frightened her.

I know who I am, I told her.

I blinked, then looked back at the friendly faces beside me.

“Thank you,” I said again to the Healer. “I suppose I’d better be on my way.”

“It’s very late. You could sleep here if you’d like.”

“I’m not tired. I feel… perfect.”

The Healer grinned. “No Pain does that.”

Cerulean walked me to the reception area. She put her hand on my shoulder as I stepped through the door.

My heart beat faster. Had she noticed that my pack, once flat, was now bulging?

“Be more careful, dear,” she said, and patted my arm.

“I will. No more hikes in the dark.”

She smiled and went back to her desk.

I kept my pace even as I walked through the parking lot. I wanted to run. What if the Healer looked in her cabinets? How soon would she realize why they were half empty?

The car was still there, in the pocket of darkness created by a gap between streetlights. It looked empty. My breath came fast and uneven. Of course it should look empty. That was the whole point. But my lungs didn’t calm until I could glimpse the vague shape under the blanket on the backseat.

I opened the door and put the backpack on the passenger seat—it settled there with a reassuring clatter—then I climbed in and shut the door. There was no reason to slam the locks down; I ignored the urge.

“Are you okay?” Jared whispered as soon as the door was closed. His voice was a strained, anxious rasp.

“Shh,” I said, keeping my lips as still as I could. “Wait.”

I drove past the bright entrance and answered Cerulean’s wave with one of my own.

“Making friends?”

We were on the dark road. No one was watching me anymore. I slumped in the seat. My hands started to shake. I could allow that, now that it was over. Now that I’d succeeded.

“All souls are friends,” I told him, using my normal volume.

“Are you all right?” he demanded again.

“I’m healed.”

“Let me see.”

I stretched my left arm across my body, so he could see the tiny pink line.

He sucked in a surprised breath.

The blanket rustled; he sat up and then climbed through the space between the seats. He pushed the backpack out of the way, then pulled it onto his lap, testing its weight.

He looked up at me as we passed under a streetlamp, and he gasped.

“Your face!”

“It’s healed, too. Naturally.”

He raised one hand, holding it in the air near my cheek, unsure. “Does it hurt?”

“Of course not. It feels like nothing happened to it in the first place.”

His fingers brushed the new skin. It tingled, but that was from his touch. Then he was back to business.

“Did they suspect anything? Do you think they’ll call the Seekers?”

“No. I told you they wouldn’t be suspicious. They didn’t even check my eyes. I was hurt, so they healed me.” I shrugged.

“What did you get?” he asked, opening the drawstrings on the backpack.

“The right things for Jamie… if we get back in time…” I glanced at the clock on the dashboard automatically, though the hours it marked were meaningless. “And more for the future. I only took what I understood.”

“We’ll be back in time,” he promised. He examined the white containers. “Smooth?”

“Not a necessity. But I know what it does, so…”

He nodded, digging through the bag. He muttered the names to himself. “No Pain? Does it work?”

I laughed. “It’s amazing. If you stab yourself, I could show you.… That’s a joke.”

“I know.”

He was staring at me with an expression I didn’t understand. His eyes were wide, like something had deeply surprised him.

“What?” My joke hadn’t been that bad.

“You did it.” His tone was full of wonder.

“Wasn’t that the idea?”

“Yes, but… I guess I didn’t really think we were going to make it out.”

“You didn’t? Then why… ? Why did you let me try?”

He answered in a soft almost-whisper. “I figured it was better to die trying than to live without the kid.”