The Host(138)

Doc whistled under his breath. He was the only one who was still interested in continuing. Aaron and Andy had wary, disturbed expressions on their faces. They’d never heard me teach before. Never heard me speak so much.

“When does that happen? Is there a catalyst?” Doc asked.

“It’s a choice. A voluntary choice,” I told him. “It’s the only way we ever willingly choose to die. A trade, for a new generation.”

“You could choose now, to divide all your cells, just like that?”

“Not quite just like that, but yes.”

“Is it complicated?”

“The decision is. The process is… painful.”

“Painful?”

Why should that have surprised him so? Wasn’t it the same for his kind?

Men. Mel snorted.

“Excruciating,” I told him. “We all remember how it was for our Mothers.”

Doc was stroking his chin, entranced. “I wonder what the evolutionary track would be… to produce a hive society with suiciding queens.…” He was lost on another plane of thought.

“Altruism,” Wes murmured.

“Hmm,” Doc said. “Yes, that.”

I closed my eyes, wishing my mouth had stayed closed. I felt dizzy. Was I just tired or was it my head wound?

“Oh,” Doc muttered. “You’ve slept even less than I have, haven’t you, Wanda? We should let you get some rest.”

“’M fine,” I mumbled, but I didn’t open my eyes.

“That’s just great,” someone said under his breath. “We’ve got a bloody queen mother alien living with us. She could blow into a million new buggers at any moment.”

“Shh.”

“They couldn’t hurt you,” I told whoever it was, not opening my eyes. “Without host bodies, they would die quickly.” I winced, imagining the unimaginable grief. A million tiny, helpless souls, tiny silver babies, withering…

No one answered me, but I could feel their relief in the air.

I was so tired. I didn’t care that Kyle was three feet from me. I didn’t care that two of the men in the room would side with Kyle if he came around. I didn’t care about anything but sleep.

Of course, that was when Walter woke up.

“Uuuh,” he groaned, just a whisper. “Gladdie?”

With a groan of my own, I rolled toward him. The pain in my leg made me wince, but I couldn’t twist my torso. I reached out to him, found his hand.

“Here,” I whispered.

“Ahh,” Walter sighed in relief.

Doc hushed the men who began to protest. “Wanda’s given up sleep and peace to help him through the pain. Her hands are bruised from holding his. What have you done for him?”

Walter groaned again. The sound began low and guttural but turned quickly to a high-pitched whimper.

Doc winced. “Aaron, Andy, Wes… would you, ah, go get Sharon for me, please?”

“All of us?”

“Get out,” Jeb translated.

The only answer was a shuffling of feet as they left.

“Wanda,” Doc whispered, close beside my ear. “He’s in pain. I can’t let him come all the way around.”

I tried to breathe evenly. “It’s better if he doesn’t know me. It’s better if he thinks Gladdie is here.”

I pulled my eyes open. Jeb was beside Walter, whose face still looked as if he slept.

“Bye, Walt,” Jeb said. “See you on the other side.”

He stepped back.

“You’re a good man. You’ll be missed,” Jared murmured.

Doc was fumbling in the package of morphine again. The paper crackled.

“Gladdie?” Walt sobbed. “It hurts.”

“Shhh. It won’t hurt much longer. Doc will make it stop.”

“Gladdie?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, Gladdie. I’ve loved you my whole life long.”

“I know, Walter. I—I love you, too. You know how I love you.”

Walter sighed.

I closed my eyes when Doc leaned over Walter with the syringe.

“Sleep well, friend,” Doc murmured.

Walter’s fingers relaxed, loosened. I held on to them—I was the one clinging now.

The minutes passed, and all was quiet except my breathing. It was hitching and breaking, tending toward quiet sobs.

Someone patted my shoulder. “He’s gone, Wanda,” Doc said, his voice thick. “He’s out of pain.”

He pulled my hand free and rolled me carefully out of my awkward position into one that was less agonizing. But only slightly so. Now that I knew Walter wouldn’t be disturbed, the sobs were not so quiet. I clutched at my side, where it throbbed.

“Oh, go ahead. You won’t be happy otherwise,” Jared muttered in a grudging tone. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t do it.