Dorian lets his fingers wander into my soft tendrils, wrapping a curl around his finger. “Gabriella, you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t care what you decide upon your ascension, I just want you. You are enough,” he whispers, answering my secret anguished concerns.
Gazing into his bright blue eyes, something stirs within me at his sincerity. My chest tightens and a knot forms in my throat, causing warm moisture to sprout at the brim of my eyelids. Shit. I’m going to cry.
“Dorian,” I choke, fighting back the building sobs threatening to erupt at any moment. “I’m no good for you. And I know sooner or later, you’ll figure it out. And it will kill me. It will literally kill me,” I say just as the first hot tears escape.
Dorian crushes me to his chest, his arms squeezing out a barrage of whimpers. “Shhhh, little girl. Don’t you say that. Never say that,” he whispers into my hair over my strained sobs.
He holds me for several minutes, letting me empty my tears onto the front of his shirt. When I finally regain my composure, I look up at him, apology in my eyes. This wasn’t about him and his ability to completely dismantle me with his rejection. It was about me shoving my pathetic insecurities onto him. Whether or not we conquer our relationship full speed ahead or reduce to a snail’s pace, I’ll never feel worthy of him. He sees past all the fighting, cursing, drinking and tough talk. He sees me for what I truly am. A little girl who has never known her place in this world, was never picked first, has never fit in. His little girl, the Light-Dark abomination.
An hour later, we sit cross-legged on the floor, munching on room service, and listening to the soulful sounds of Adele. After Dorian kissed away my tears, we sat in silence, holding each other as if it were our last night together. It made me think of how it must’ve been for Natalia and Alex as they waited for death. How do you begin to prepare for that? How do you say goodbye? How can you?
“There is something I need to tell you,” I say as Dorian refills our glasses.
He gives me a pointed look. “Oh?”
I nod, giving myself a moment to formulate my thoughts. “The fortune teller, the one that was killed. You know she was murdered because of me, right?”
“I do,” he responds without blinking.
“What she told me that night, when she touched me. She said that darkness would consume me, and I’d accept it. That I was the darkness.” An involuntary shiver creeps up my spine as if the soothsayer’s ghost has arrived along with my morbid reflections.
Dorian wipes his delectable mouth with his napkin and nods yet doesn’t respond. So she must’ve been right. I am becoming consumed by darkness.
“Dorian, do you think our relationship is pushing me into the Dark? Are you trying to make me…like you?”
I watch Dorian as he takes a long sip of his wine then sets his glass down on the coffee table. He finally gazes at me with mournful eyes, indicating that my worst fears are reality.
“Little girl, I don’t want you to be like me. I’ve never wanted that for you,” he says softly. “But darkness does consume you. It consumes me too. But it isn’t me; it isn’t my darkness.” Dorian reaches his hand towards me tentatively to brush the line of my jaw. “It’s yours.”
Huh? “What are you talking about? How can I consume you? I am powerless, Dorian. Remember?”
“It’s in you. I feel it every day, beckoning me to antagonize the beast in you. I try to resist. But as I told you before, you are drawn to Dark elements. It arouses you, feeds you. I find myself losing control when we’re together. It’s another reason why I try to stay away.”
I absorb Dorian’s words, trying to piece together a logical explanation. The darkness within me wants to be unleashed, and it’s manifesting in Dorian as a result. There is immense evil within me pushing me into the Dark. Somehow, I’m not surprised. Nothing surprises me anymore. I just have to make the conscious decision to fight even harder to stay in the Light for both our sakes. I have to resist my Dark urges that want to surface and wreak havoc on all those who choose to stand against me, my friends and family included.
Luckily, the song changes and I shift my attention to the melodies emanating from the sleek stereo system nearby, hopelessly trying to salvage the evening and what’s left of my sanity. It’s a song I know and love, and I perk up into a thoughtful smile.
“What?” Dorian quizzes with a sexy raised eyebrow. God, I love it when he does that.
I smile sweetly. “Nothing. Just thinking.”
“About what?” When I answer with a shy grin, Dorian playfully presses me for answers. “Aw, come on. You can tell me.”