I nod and give him a reassuring grin. “Yes. I do. I love you, Dorian.”
His eyes are on my lips again, as if he is struggling with the urge to kiss me. He smirks, and shakes his head in disbelief. “I’ve never done this before, Gabriella. I’ve never…loved. We aren’t taught to, even as children.” Dorian brings his eyes to mine and they are filled with so much intensity, it startles me. “But what I feel for you- this…love- is real. I never thought it was possible for me to feel this way. But now that I have it, I never want to let it go. I never want to let you go. And I will do whatever it takes to keep you alive.”
I don’t stop myself from brushing my hand against his cheek, feeling tiny prickles of stubble along his jaw. Dorian turns his face into my palm and inhales before exhaling his serenity.
I raise an eyebrow with question. “When you do that…?”
“I breathe you,” Dorian answers with a sigh, finishing my thought. “You intoxicate me, Gabriella. I told you that. Breathing you has become somewhat of an addiction for me.”
I pull my hand back and frown. “But can’t that…kill me?” I think back to the passage in Natalia’s journal, warning me against those that may seek my presence in order to steal my essence. Part of me always knew that Dorian’s ritual was no coincidence.
“It can, if I’m not careful. I try to be. My affections for you are the only way I’m able to show an ounce of restraint,” he chuckles.
I plaster on a strained grin, slightly daunted by Dorian’s buoyancy at my fragility. I hate feeling so helpless, so feeble. But I know what he’s saying is true. He could kill me easily, even accidentally.
“I won’t let myself do it. I won’t lose control,” he mutters, reading my discomfort. “Look at me.” Dorian’s finger lifts my chin to meet his solemn gaze. “You know that, right? That I won’t hurt you?”
I nod weakly, trying not only to convince him but myself as well. “I think so. I hope so.”
“Remember, I can’t lie to you, Gabriella. You are safe with me.” He gives me a forced half-smile laced with pain. “For now.”
My eyes cast down to his mouth, unable to look him in his eyes. I focus on the curve of each lip, the tiny dots of black stubble just breaking the surface of his skin. Anything to distract my mind from the inevitable.
Eventually, one of us will have to die.
“Why the sudden change of heart, Dorian? Come on, five minutes ago, I was a goner. You were ready to do it. I need to understand why you didn’t carry out your plan a long time ago.”
Dorian sighs, and leans back into the sofa, pulling me into his arms. The contact is immensely comforting, and I find myself nuzzling into the patch of bare skin above the collar of his shirt. He’s still fully dressed in his suit and I’m tempted to loosen his tie and unfasten the buttons of his dress shirt.
“I told you, I felt it too,” he begins in a quiet voice. “The shift when we first met. From that moment, I couldn’t get you off my mind. It was maddening, and I was literally sick with myself for feeling so…drawn to you. I wanted to resist you completely. But there was this intense magnetism between us that made it impossible.”
“I know,” I nod against his chest. The moment I laid eyes on Dorian, I knew there was something uncanny about him that drew me to him. I, too, knew that I couldn’t resist him from that point on.
“I told myself that once I spent some time with you, got it out of my system, the allure would fade. That I could focus on what I needed to do.” Dorian brings my hand up to his face and gently brushes the back of it with his lips. “But then I tasted your lips. I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. And I knew I couldn’t leave you alone.”
“That’s all it took? A kiss?” I ask doubtfully. “And just like that, you’re off the hook?”
I feel Dorian’s jaw shift into a smirk. “Not exactly. When I left after that, I went to Greece. To my home. To try to buy you- us- more time. I told them that I could possibly persuade you to align with the Dark. And if you did, there would be no reason to kill you.”
My eyes grow wide with a mixture fright and understanding. I sit up and turn to Dorian. “The messages…It was you?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “Not me personally. But I knew.”
“Something tells me you knew about everything,” I mutter with an accusing tone, my eyes piercing the layers of his obscurity.
Dorian doesn’t respond. What could he possibly say to make me feel better about his deception?