I open my mouth to speak, but realize I don’t even know what to say. What words could possibly sum up my confusion in this moment? I lick my dry lips in exchange, noticing how parched my mouth has grown.
“Fuck, Gabriella,” Dorian hisses.
Before I can even respond, his mouth is on mine, urgently moving against my lips. I gasp at the sudden assault and Dorian easily slides his tongue inside, tasting my impassioned desperation. He pulls me into him, pushing our bodies as close as they could possibly be. Feeling the rigidness of his artfully muscled physique, his hand on my lower back, the other at the nape of my neck, I completely lose myself and just feel. Even after kissing him countless times, even after learning his intentions, his touch completely disarms me. I am putty in his skilled hands, his to mold and shape however he sees fit.
Dorian’s tongue explores my mouth with perfect precision, tasting refreshingly sweet as always. I drink in his intoxicating flavor, my head swimming with illusions of hope and redemption. I try not to overthink it and just let myself get lost in the passion radiating from his soft lips. He playfully nips my bottom lip before sucking it into mouth. I sigh against his lips, letting my hands grab soft handfuls of his silky black hair.
God, I’ve missed him. Even though it’s only been a mere 24 hours since I kissed his lips, it feels like it’s been months. For a moment, I lost him. My Dorian left me, leaving a horrific beast in his wake. But he came back; he uttered those three little words that completely altered my resolve. And now, as I melt into his arms, our mouths joined in a slow yet heated embrace, hands kneading and stroking generously, I know that I have surrendered to him wholeheartedly. In life and in death.
Dorian sucks my tongue into his mouth once more before reluctantly pulling away from me. He runs his hand through his tousled hair, making my desire for him burn even hotter.
“You amaze me, you know that? I am completely enraptured by you in every way. So much so that I am about to commit suicide,” he says, eyes twinkling in the dim light of the room.
“What does that mean?” I breathe, my voice hoarse from shouting and struggling to choke back sobs.
Dorian strokes my cheek with the back of his hand reverently then chews his bottom lip. “It means that I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you; I won’t. I’d rather die than harm you, Gabriella.”
I nuzzle into his touch and kiss his palm, as he does with me whenever I touch his face. “I can’t let you do that, Dorian. I meant what I said. And even if you were to lay down your life- which is ridiculous, by the way- what is stopping the Dark from sending someone else? Someone that doesn’t give a damn about me?”
“You’re right,” he says with a resigned sigh. “But there is no defeating or deceiving them. We can’t win.”
We? Is there still a we?
“Let’s back up, Dorian. You lied to me. You purposely deceived me and made me believe that we had something real. How can I ever trust you? How do I know you won’t change your mind and decide that I’m disposable?”
Dorian’s eyes are on my lips as he runs his fingers through my dark waves. “I never lied to you, little girl. I may have deceived you- and for that I am truly sorry- but I never lied. I can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?”
He leads me to the plush black and gold filigree couch, easing me down. I crumple into the cushion, suddenly realizing how fatigued I am after missing dinner, not to mention the emotional roller coaster of events this evening.
“Gabriella, I cannot lie. Ever. I was cursed, unable to ever deceive the Dark, or anyone else, again. So when I tell you that I love you, that I could never hurt you, I mean it. I would gladly lay down my life for you, and that is the realest, truest thing I have ever felt.”
I’m rendered speechless at his declaration. He loves me. Even the words passing his lips leave me utterly breathless. And now more than ever, I know that I cannot live without him. He is willing to give up everything for me. He is willing to die for me. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
“I can’t let you do that,” I whisper. “I won’t let you do that. I…need you. That day in the restaurant, you were absolutely right; I am just now living. And that’s only because I met you.” I take his hands in mine and relish in the contact, letting it motivate me. Touching him always soothes me. “You changed me, Dorian. You awakened something in me that I never knew existed. And now I can’t go back to the life I had before. It wasn’t a life at all. Not until I met you.”
Dorian gazes at me in wonder, completely taken aback at my earnest confession. “You really mean that?” he asks, clearly perplexed.