The Dark Prince (The Dark Light Series)(40)

He runs a hand over his solemn face. “I was a coward, Gabriella. I should have chosen death. But as I looked up at my father, as I saw the contempt, the disgust, the sheer hatred he had for me, I was afraid. I couldn’t do it.”

The thought that Dorian could be afraid of anything brings me up short. He is so strong, so confident. To me, he’s invincible. Yet, every time he has mentioned his father, he has been visibly disturbed. How could he be frightened of his own father? What kind of monster is he?

“What happened to you?” I whisper, understanding just an inkling of Dorian’s grief.

Dorian shakes his head, refusing to speak about the terrors that plague him.

“Please,” I beg. “Please don’t shut me out.”

He turns to me, his face twisted with disgust. “What if I told you that my own father is the epitome of evil? So revolted by his own son that he personally carried out my sentence? That he took pleasure in stripping away my power, leaving me a pathetic, lifeless shell? And if given the chance, would be more than happy to end me for good?”

I bite my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. My eyes water but I refuse to acknowledge the tears. I need to be strong for Dorian. This moment isn’t about my agony, it’s about his.

“Then I’d say that he is the worst kind of monster that ever existed. And that you are so much better, so much stronger than he is,” I croak with a wavering voice.

Dorian shakes his head, refusing to believe my words. “I have taken dozens of lives. Death meant nothing to me. I’ve sucked the life out of more people than I can remember. I’ve enjoyed the brutality. I was addicted to it. The thrill of the hunt, chasing them down only made me want to slaughter them more. I was like a bloodthirsty animal. Tell me, does that sound like someone that deserves love or death?”

Slowly, I extend my hand towards him, holding my breath and preparing for his rejection. He remains still, and I let my hand rest on his. “Everyone deserves love, Dorian.”

“Really?” he asks incredulously. “Serial killers? Terrorists? Rapists? Do they deserve love? Because I am no better than them.”

I mull over Dorian’s question in my head. Could I love a serial killer or a rapist? No, absolutely not. Those people deserve nothing but a slow, torturous death. Dorian is not like them. He is not even a person at all. He is the Dark Prince, a supernatural magic force of evil. And he does deserve love. Who he is expected to be and the man before me, the man that I love, are not aligned, regardless of what he’s done.

“You are not them, Dorian. You are good. I don’t care what you did before. The Dorian I know is good.” I let my hand stroke his beautiful, forlorn face. “Dealing with this, trying to help Tammy, brought it all back to the surface for you, huh?”

“Yes,” he nods slowly.

“I should have never asked you to get involved. I was desperate and I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m sorry.” Shit. I should have been more sensitive instead of just assuming Dorian could do it.

“No,” he shakes his head. “It is not your fault. I should have been stronger.”

I scoot closer to him and awkwardly try to wrap my arms around his tense, rigid body. “Don’t say that. You are strong. It’s okay to be afraid, Dorian.”

His glazed eyes focus on nothing in particular. “When I saw her, staring blankly, unable to talk, move, anything… it reminded me of myself. It was like looking down and seeing your worst nightmare. But your worst nightmare is you.”

“You don’t have to live that anymore,” I whisper gently, rubbing his back. I begin to feel him release some of the tension that binds him so tightly. “You’re not that person anymore. You’re free.”

Dorian turns his body towards mine, his eyes searching for something in my mask of a reassuring smile. Because he knows the truth; he knows how I really feel. I’m just as afraid as he is. No one is really free, not until the killer is found. And even then, we are all slaves to our alliances, our heritage. We are slaves to the magic that flows through our veins. Whether we are taught to kill or taught to heal, taught to love or taught to hate, we have to choose a side.

And as I squeeze Dorian tight, I know that my own choice will annihilate me. I can’t lose him by aligning with the Light, pledging to go against the Dark that threaten to extract their power. Yet I could never side with the Dark, abandoning everything my parents, both biological and adopted, taught me and become a ruthless savage. I am stuck, frozen in my own petrification, just like Dorian. And right now, not even his love can fix me.