‘It’s more than I deserve.’
‘You deserve to be happy. I should like to make you so.’
‘You do make me happy.’
He did not speak of love, but she was glad that he did not try and pretend. In any case, what would have been the point when he had just revealed where his deeper feelings lay? Harry cared for her, but it was Belén who held his heart. For her he would have sacrificed his friend, his fortune and his life. Elena had once dreamed of finding a love like that, had hoped it would be with Harry, but knew now it wasn’t going to happen. She had heard it said that in any relationship one heart was always warmer than the other. Clearly she would have to be that one. She summoned a tremulous smile.
‘I’m glad.’
They resumed their walk round the square and then, by tacit consent, began to retrace their steps to the inn. Neither one spoke but now the silence had a different texture. Pretence was at an end between them, as she had wanted it to be, but it had not brought a lightening of the spirit. Instead it had killed off her most cherished ambition. Now she could only hope that she had enough love for two.
* * *
As Harry had predicted, the following day dawned fair. Moreover, their wet garments had dried out and, since they were in town, they were able to restock their provisions before continuing with their journey. The roads were still sticky but the sun would dry them in a few hours.
‘At least we’ll be free of dust for a while,’ said Concha.
Elena nodded. ‘Yes, there is that.’
The end was almost in sight now and she was glad for Harry, knowing that what he sought was almost within his grasp. She allowed her imagination to move ahead, to England, when they could live properly as man and wife. How much she wished for that. She would do everything in her power to make it work. Even if she was not the love of his life it did not mean that they could not be happy together. Plenty of married couples were in the same situation but they managed well enough and perhaps, in time, he might develop deeper feelings for her.
After so many years of wandering and uncertainty the thought of having a proper home held a strong appeal. She wanted to visit his home too, wanted to meet his family, to be part of something once more. She even began to entertain the hope of children one day. It would be good to give Harry a son—several sons, perhaps. That inspired other, deeply pleasurable thoughts. She smiled ruefully. For the next few days they would have to camp in the open again which meant that they would no longer have the privacy they had enjoyed before. For that reason alone Cádiz could not come soon enough.
‘You look thoughtful,’ said Concha.
‘I was thinking about England.’
‘Ah, yes. It will be interesting to see, no?’
‘I believe it will.’
‘Do you think it really rains as much as Jack said?’
‘I sincerely hope not,’ said Elena.
‘What about living in a foreign country? Does it not worry you?’
‘Not unduly. I suppose it will be strange at first, but in time I imagine that will change.’
‘Customs may be very different there.’
‘Some of them, no doubt.’
‘Well, at least we won’t have a problem with the language,’ said Concha. ‘English is a barbarous tongue but I’m glad now that I learned it.’
‘Yes, life would be very difficult else.’ Elena paused. ‘Do you want to go to England, Concha?’
Her companion regarded her quizzically. ‘Why do you ask this?’
‘It’s the first time I have asked. Up to now I’ve only made assumptions.’
‘I will go where you go, as always.’
‘No one could have had a more loyal companion and friend. We have been through a great deal together, you and I, but I will not ask you to live in a strange land if it is contrary to your wishes.’
‘Then I will tell you directly that it is my wish to go there.’ Concha glanced in Jack’s direction. ‘Even if some of the inhabitants are a bit odd.’
Elena grinned and lowered her voice. ‘That is not so much concerned with Englishness as with being a male.’
Concha gave a snort of laughter. ‘Así? Well, you may be right. I’ll be able to judge much better when we get there.’
For all her light-hearted words to Concha, male behaviour was very much on Elena’s mind. After that last discussion about Badajoz and the revelations concerning Radcliffe, the matter had not been mentioned again. To all outward appearance, Harry was quite himself. He was courteous and considerate, but she sensed the underlying tension in him. Moreover, although he discussed neutral subjects readily enough, he never touched on the personal. Elena didn’t make any attempt to do so either, guessing he still had much to come to terms with. That would only be achieved in his own time. All the same, it saddened her to be shut out of his confidence.