Fear of Falling(26)

I pulled the covers down from over my head and frowned at both of them. “Who said I liked him? I don’t even know the guy.”

“Ah, but you want to know him. And that’s the part that counts.” Angel wrapped her slender arm around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. “Come on, just throw us a bone. Just a teeny tiny bone, and we’ll leave you alone.”

I felt my face heating under their expectant stares and could feel my annoyance meter rising. “Why do you two even care? It’s not like I haven’t ever been with a guy before. Shit, I just got out of a pseudo relationship like a month ago.”

Angel let out an exasperated sigh. “But you know that shit wasn’t real, Kam. Stop dickin’ around, and tell us the truth. Do you like this guy or not? And remember, I know when you’re lying to me. I have a bullshit-ometer. My nipples twitch whenever someone lies.”

Dominic and I locked eyes before bursting with uncontrollable laughter. Big, ugly guffaws that had us sprouting tears and snorting.

“What?” Angel trilled. “I’m serious! They seriously do twitch!” And with that, she raised her camisole and flashed us her C-cups, causing us to laugh even harder.

“Ewww, get those things off me! And that is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard, and you know it!” I squeaked just as she pinched my arm. “Ow! Don’t be mad because it’s true!”

Our spoiled little brat scrambled to her feet and poked out her bottom lip, glaring down at Dom and me with contempt. It only fueled our hysterics.

“Fine! I can see my special services aren’t needed.” And with that, she stomped off to her room.

“Dude, something is seriously wrong with her,” I remarked as soon as we came down from our amused high.

“I know,” he said shaking his head. Silence stretched between us before Dom wrapped an arm around me, easing my head onto his bare chest. “You would tell me, right? If you needed someone to talk to… you’d come to me, right?”

“Of course, Dom. You know I would.”

More silence blanketed the words we both needed to say but couldn’t—wouldn’t—because they’d become more real. We had lived through unspeakable things, had defeated most of our demons the best way we knew how, yet we were both cowards when it came to facing the unknown. Our emotions, our wants, our desires… we ran from them. Our hearts had been banished to a strange land that we seldom visited. It was easier this way. It made dealing with who we were more tolerable. It remedied the fear enough to get through each day.

With a chaste kiss on my cheek, Dominic slipped his arm from under my head and climbed out of bed. I understood. It was his way of escaping the subject, though he truly wanted to be a good friend and push for more. Somehow, over the years, we had become kindred souls. And as hard as it was for me to open up, it was just as hard for him to digest those foreign feelings.

“It’s ok, you know. It’s ok if you care,” he said just as he reached my bedroom door. “It won’t make you weak or stupid. It doesn’t mean he’ll be like…him.”

I nodded because it seemed like the right thing to do. But it didn’t mean I agreed.





I settled into my new job, and my new life, over the next week, every day grasping a piece of normalcy and working to feel more content in my own skin. Working with Blaine had proven to be interesting, to say the least, but he had stowed the bulk of his intensity. It seemed as if my words had finally gotten through to him, and that was a good thing. It had to be, for both our sakes. I couldn’t feel; feeling led to things that just weren’t possible for us. And instead of dealing with the fallout, I thought it best to keep things pleasantly cordial, no matter how badly I craved for more.

“Hey,” I smiled, stepping behind the bar and tying the little black apron around my waist. Dive had just opened and was completely empty, aside from the day shift preparing for the lunch crowd.

Blaine turned from his task of refilling the soda dispenser and crooked a grin. I could only describe it as polite, and that fact tore me in two.

“Hey, Kami.” His deep chocolate eyes narrowed. “You change your hair?”

I twirled a lock of my honey blonde-highlighted mane and shrugged. “Felt like I needed a change.” I didn’t have the guts to tell him that it was really an attempt at bribery by Angel. She knew I was a whore for spa days at the upscale salon she frequented, and used my weakness to try to get me to gush about my feelings for Blaine. It didn’t fully work as she intended but I did throw her a bone: I told her I was attracted to him. It was harmless enough. Even a 90-year old deaf and blind woman would have a raging lady boner for him.