Fear of Falling(120)

With my eyes trained on Blaine as I belted out the first notes, I could see his body stiffen. He knew my voice. He had heard me. But I needed him to really hear me. To listen to the words that I had penned just for him months ago. The words I was too afraid to tell him.



In pieces when you found me

Shattered like broken glass

So scared that you would see

What hid behind this tattered mask



Slowly, he turned around, and his stunned gaze sought mine. The moment our eyes locked, I knew that my fate was sealed.

I had fallen into forever.

I would never be able to move on from this, from him. From that scary-beautiful man that I was hopelessly in love with. And fear bloomed into exhilaration. Anxiety morphed into sheer joy.

I sang every word to him as if no one else existed. In my world, no one did. He was my all. My everything. He was the only thing that could save me. He already had.



The thought of loving and losing

Baby, it terrifies me

Didn’t know what I was doing

Just wanted to be free



The entire bar fell silent as Angel and I continued to play, our voices blending in perfect harmony as we fell into the chorus, as seamless and steady as one voice. The music wrapped around us, guiding our fingers and tongues. The rest of the A.D. girls caught onto the melody and began to improvise with their own instruments.

I was there—that sweet spot where everything came together. The picture was no longer blurry; I could see it—I could see Blaine—as clear as day. And I no longer played my guitar; I became it. I no longer sang; I was song.



But now you see

The mess that I’ve made

Feeling so desperate

Just wanted the pain to fade

Time and time again

Tried to push you away

I know that I’m crazy

But you make it okay



Blaine’s eyes never strayed from mine as he sat as still as stone. Even when some bleach blonde bimbo tried to grab his attention, he was unmovable. Unshakable. Just as he had always been. Blaine was a constant. My constant. Somehow he had become just as necessary to me as Dom or Angel. He had become my family.

As we neared the conclusion, I let my eyes close and just…felt. I let the emotions those lyrics evoked flood through me. I let the truth of those words set me free from fear and worry.

This wasn’t only for Blaine. No, this was the Emancipation of Kami Duvall. The once broken girl who had put herself back together. The scared child that survived even when she didn’t have the will to. I kissed that little girl goodbye. I let go of the fear that had been my only friend at times. I didn’t need it anymore. I had love.



I’m not afraid

Of monsters and ghosts

But the thought of losing you

Is what scares me the most



I opened my eyes once the song ended, and Blaine was right below me, standing at the edge of the stage. His cheeks glistened with tears, and his deep brown eyes were rimmed with red. The sight of him sent a surge of courage through my veins, and I stripped off my guitar and handed it to Angel before jumping down to join him below. I didn’t even hear the raucous cheers and claps. I just needed to hear his voice, telling me that it wasn’t too late. That I hadn’t lost him.

“Hey, roadrunner, where’d you go?” he asked in a raspy voice.

I smiled. “I thought I told you not to call me that.”

“I thought you were done running.”

I nodded. He was right. He always called me on my bullshit, and that’s exactly what I had been afraid of. He saw me for what I was.

“I am. I have nowhere else to go. Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Blaine rolled the barbell in his mouth as I had seen him do a hundred times. The temptation to suck that tongue into my own mouth blossomed in my belly.

“So, where do you want to be?” he asked.

“With you.” There was no hesitation. No fear.

“But you said…Kam…” he stammered. Blaine took a deep breath and took a step towards me, filling the air between us with scents of mint and spice. He lifted a hand and stroked the length of my cheek where a faint scar had been left behind. I didn’t even stop myself from closing my eyes and reveling in the feel of him.

“Kami…” he whispered. “Why? Why now?”

I opened my eyes so he could see the conviction in them. “Because you’re the exception, Blaine. And, honestly, I was a coward. I was terrified of feeling this way about you.”

He cocked his head to one side and narrowed his eyes. “And how do you feel?”

A flush crept up my cheeks as I reached up on my tiptoes and softly kissed his lips, catching him off guard. “I love you,” I murmured against them. “I love you so much it scares me.”

He pulled his mouth from mine just far enough to meet my eyes. “Scares you?”