I look out into the night, and see the faint glistening of the lake and the shapes of tall swaying trees. “Nothing. Darkness,” I respond just above a whisper.
“You think darkness is nothing? So much, more than you could ever imagine, is shrouded in darkness. As we stand here, looking out into nothingness, as you say, we are witnessing life.
“A man is secretly meeting with a woman whom is not his wife. He tells her that he will leave his wife but he truly has no intention of doing so.
“Two young men, workers at the hotel, disappear into the woods, engaging in sexual intercourse. No one knows of their relationship or their sexuality. Or the fact that they have HIV. They both have girlfriends.
“A night guard has been stealing the valuables of hotel guests when they stay out late. He’s carrying the jewels and money to a secret place in the pool house so he can pick them up after his shift.
“A woman is on her balcony, whispering into her cell phone as her husband is asleep in bed. He believes they are here on vacation but she is plotting to empty out their accounts and run away with her lover.
“A businessman is stumbling back to his hotel room with a prostitute. Little does he know that his guest for the evening is not a woman. He won’t care either way. It won’t be the first time.”
I look up at Dorian, slightly bewildered. “So many secrets and deceit in the darkness, it seems,” I remark quietly. How does he know all this? Or are his ramblings a result of the potent alcohol?
“You would think so. The world thinks that darkness is synonymous for deception. Evil. But look again.” Dorian nods his head towards the night once again.
“An elderly man and his wife stroll along the lake, hand in hand. It’s their 50th anniversary and they’ve just come from a grand celebration in one of the resort’s banquet halls, thrown by their 5 children and their families and friends.
“A young man is proposing to his longtime girlfriend over by the bridge. He’s shipping off to basic training soon and he wants to marry her when he returns. They’ve been dating since high school.
“A new dad is frantically calling the airlines after finding out his baby has been born unexpectedly. He’s here on a business trip with very important clients but he is sacrificing it all to be with his family.
“Another night guard has been suspecting his coworker and friend has been stealing to help his family during hard times. He is looking for him in hopes to talk him into returning the items and is willing to help him get back on his feet.”
Dorian looks down at me to gauge my dumbfounded expression. He gives me a reassuring grin and strokes my cheek with his hand. “You see, Gabriella. Darkness is not always what it seems. It can appear frightening at first but there is truly nothing to fear. Sometimes the light can blind us from the truth.”
Ok, now he’s officially freaked me out. Does he even know what he’s saying? The thought that Dorian could possibly know about me passes through my mind. But that’s impossible. And if he did, he would not be so comfortable standing here with me now. Either that or I would be dead.
Dorian bends forward and plants a deep, tender kiss on my lips, erasing the feelings of unease and disbelief. He tastes and smells of the sweet, strong liquor.
“Come on, we both need to get some sleep.”
Dorian downs the last of his drink and then takes my hand, leading me to the bedroom. He turns down the comforter before I climb in. After he steps out of his pants, he climbs in behind me completely naked. He pushes his white shirt off my shoulders and I awkwardly maneuver my body so he can remove it completely. Then he pulls my head down to his hard, smooth chest and I nestle into him comfortably, intertwining my leg between his. This feels so good, yet I know it will only cause confusion in the future.
“You’re not, Gabriella,” Dorian says suddenly.
“Huh?”
“You’re not just one of those casual arrangements. I felt it too.”
I don’t know what to say to that. Part of me is elated at the revelation because I, too, see Dorian as so much more than just a fling. But another part of me, the logical, shrewd part, is cringing at his admission. Because nothing good can come of this. I can’t give him any more of me than I already have, and it’s not fair to sell him the illusion of an ordinary, carefree young woman. Less than a year stands between us and my ascension. And then what? What if I don’t even make it until then? He could be hurt in the crossfire.
Instead of responding to Dorian’s declaration, I plant a soft kiss on his chest, and try my hardest to fall asleep to the rhythm of his beating heart. I will give him this moment. I will let myself enjoy his warmth and security. It may be the last bit of bliss I get to experience.