Dark Light (The Dark Light Series)(58)

“Just tell me what’s wrong. Whatever is going on, we can fix it. Together. I'm here, Gabs,” he whispers. His chin rests gently on the top of my head and I clutch his back as if he is my lifeline. My salvation, here to save me from myself.

Neither one of us speaks for what seems like several minutes. Here we stand, in the middle of a bustling carnival in the dark of night, holding each other as if our lives depend on it. The best thing about Jared is that he can be so silently strong; his arms are all I need to find solace. He knows when to press the issue and he knows when to be quiet and let me draw from his strength. He is my best friend, the love of my life, and my protector all in one. He is all I need.

“I feel like I’m losing myself,” I finally croak. Jared remains quiet, letting me finish my thought. “I just don’t know anymore. I just want to fast forward to when I know who the hell I am. I want to just get this shit over with already!” The tightness in my throat restricts any more words from escaping and I nuzzle my face into the comfort of Jared’s firm chest.

“You’ll get there, baby. There’s no rush. You are perfect just like this.” Jared dips his face down and places a gentle kiss on the crown of my head. “I wish you could see what I see. Just let me in. You don’t always have to be so tough. It’s ok to be vulnerable.”

And with that, an aching sob escapes me, followed by a barrage of tears.

**********

“You know, there’s nothing you can’t tell me,” Jared remarks as we ride back to my house.

After I had finally calmed down, Jared insisted that we not let the fortune teller’s unnerving vision ruin our evening. He wouldn’t let me leave until we rode the bumper cars and split a ridiculously large candy apple. Then we rode the Ferris wheel, as promised, illuminated by the neon flashing lights under the clear night sky.

“I know,” I say with a warm smile. But in this case, the less you know, the better.

We pull up to my house, neither one of us knowing how to cease the deafening silence. The tension suffocates us with every strained second and it’s evident that there is something that we both want to say. Jared begins to open his mouth to speak when the double Ding! from my cell phone cuts him off.

From Dorian, 7:57 P.M.

-I need you. Now.

He needs me? Shit. Can’t I deal with my mixed up emotions one guy at a time?

“Sorry about that,” I say sheepishly, cramming my cell phone back in my sweatshirt pocket. I stow the rising excitement brought on by Dorian’s text. So I guess it was more than just a one night stand for him. Though it is approaching booty call hours.

“No, it’s fine,” Jared says passively.

The moment has passed. Part of me is disappointed but the better part of me is relieved. Dorian’s intrusion has reminded me of what just transpired not even 7 hours ago. I can’t go there with Jared now; I’m tainted with Dorian’s delectable essence. I can still taste him, can still feel the soreness between my thighs...

“Well, I better get inside,” I say reaching for the door handle. Jared’s large hand stops me in my tracks, pulling me back towards him. I look back at him puzzled, and read the ardor in his eyes. He gently tugs me to him, closing the distance between us inch by inch. I’m captivated by the sheer emotion emanating from him and it doesn’t register that I should turn away. Jared dips his head forward, pressing his warm lips on mine. It’s tender, heartfelt, and real. Like two teenagers experiencing their first kiss together. Uncharted territory full of promise and surprise.

We both pull away simultaneously, not sure of what to do or say next. Do I close with ‘See ya later!’ or just leave? No, Jared deserves better than that.

“You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” I say softly. “You are so much to me. So much more than just a friend.” I let out an uneasy sigh and look up at him through my dark eyelashes, unable to fully meet his eyes. “But it would be unfair of me to subject you to my bullshit right now. At this point in my life-”

“I’ve got it, Gabs, ok?” Jared says cutting me off. He isn’t angry; he’s resigned. Maybe more upset with himself for trying. I hate to see him tormented. I reach out to stroke his cheek but let my hand rest on his forearm instead. No need to throw salt in the wound. “I guess we both suck at timing, huh?” he chuckles.

I sigh with relief. “Yeah, we do. But maybe that’s a sign that whatever is in store for us in the future will be epic.” Let’s just hope it’s not an epic fail.

Jared nods. “Besides, we don’t want to end up like Morgan and Miguel.” My eyes grow wide with shock. Oh crap, he knows? Reading my surprised expression he continues, “Oh yeah. Miguel told me. What’s funny is he actually likes the girl. But he knows she’d never consider him.”