His name is Alexander. I eventually know him affectionately as Alex. He is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. But beyond that, he is different from anything I have ever learned about the Dark. He is kind, decent, and compassionate. And he has the ability to LOVE, something we, the Light, have been taught is impossible for them. We are told that they are nothing more than cold, hard shells. Devoid of humanity. But Alex is so full of life and passion. This caused me to question everything I was ever taught.
I know Alex has killed many times. His conscience had grown weary with the constant carnage. He wanted it all to end. The day in the woods, he had been hoping I would kill him. Put him out of his misery. For hundreds of years, he led a contrived life. He wanted to settle down, have a family one day. That is virtually unheard of for the elite Shadow. They have their pick of throngs of women, both supernatural and human. Alex had quenched his thirst for lustful flesh decades ago. He wanted something more. And he thought that I could help him.
The first time Alex appeared to me, I nearly killed him. He was not defensive. He let me attack him until I realized he had not come to harm me. He wanted to learn about love and family. He was interested as to what we, the Light, thought about the Dark. Of course, he suspected that we view them all as murderous, unfeeling villains. We met in secret for many nights like this, talking about our lives, and how we wanted more. I only knew how to be a Dark Hunter, to track and kill the enemies of the Light without mercy. Alex had been recruited into the Shadow when he was very young. His exceptional tracking and fighting skills had served him well and he easily moved up through the ranks. Plus he was known for being dreadfully brutal and torturous. Possessing those qualities will eventually weigh you down with guilt and regret.
Soon the time we spent together grew from sheer curiosity to something more. Much more. We would find ourselves longing for the other’s company, sneaking away from responsibilities, lying to our own loved ones so we could be together. We tried to fight the overwhelming emotions. We even walked away from our relationship several times, concluding that it could never work between us. We would surely be put to death for our association. In the end, love won out over our fear. We could not simply turn away from what we had.
But as you may know, nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Alex’s partner had grown suspicious of his constant disappearances and odd behavior. One night, he followed him and found us together. He was outraged; they had been like brothers for over a century and Alex had kept a staggering secret from him. At first, his instinct was to kill us. He would have been doing us a kindness, to say the least. If he told what he had found, we would have been ripped apart, limb from limb. But Alex pleaded with him, explaining his feelings for me…. And the child that grew within my womb. Your father’s partner was utterly disgusted, and turned away from Alex. We thought for sure he had gone to alert the Dark of our transgressions. We waited for death together, cherishing our last moments in this life. But his partner returned alone. He vowed to help us and protect us. He did not fully understand but his devotion to Alex was unshakable. So he concealed our secret the best he could.
As the saying goes, everything done in the Dark must come to Light. As my belly grew, rumors began to fly amongst our kind. It wasn’t hard for them to find that I had consorted with a Dark One. Word traveled back to the Dark and Alex was immediately taken from me. I was beyond devastated. I knew that he would not survive this. The Dark are merciless and his death was imminent. His friend was also punished harshly for his treason. I will be forever thankful for his allegiance.
As for me, the Light felt they would show me a bit of mercy by giving me a choice. I could live but my unborn baby would be killed as soon as I gave birth. Should I choose to keep you alive, I would pay the ultimate price. Death.
I chose the latter.
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I close the journal gently and set it on my nightstand. Then I allow myself to do something that I’ve tried to avoid at every cost. Something any normal person would've done days ago.
I cry.
Chapter Eight
My head is aching when I waken to the bright sunlight streaming through the blinds. I must’ve cried myself into exhaustion and fallen asleep. I squint against the intensity and clumsily reach for my cell phone. Shit. 12:07. I have to be at work at 1 P.M. I sluggishly roll out of bed and trudge to the bathroom, thankful that my parents are nowhere in sight. Once in the shower, I let the hot water soothe my ragged body. The last few days have been eventful to say the least, and I haven’t allowed myself to process it all. I haven’t let myself feel, in fear that once I accept these emotions, allow these fears to come to life, they would take over. I can’t have that.