“That doesn’t make up for what you did. We’d been broken up for a day!”
“I know, I know. It was stupid. I got wasted, like I always did, and did shit that I had done back when I was so fucked up all the time. But I didn’t sleep with Maggie. I feel bad enough that we even kissed. That I even thought that I’d be able to get you out of my head.” He reached for me but stopped before his hand met my arm. Then, he regretfully dropped it. “I told her to leave. I told her how I felt about you. That I never had feelings for her. That I’d never have feelings for her, and all of this was a mistake. I wasn’t particularly eloquent, as I was drunk off my ass.”
“I don’t even know why you came here to tell me this,” I said, seething. “Why you even bothered.”
“Because I wanted the truth out there. I didn’t want to hold out on telling you and you find out from someone else. For you to think the worst.”
“Too late,” I spat.
“Yeah, I deserve that,” he said. “You were right about me. And, when I woke up, hungover and alone, this morning, I realized that I had proven every fear you had about me right. That I was a drunk, lying addict.”
“Asshole,” I finished for him.
“That, too. You have every reason to hate me. I am all those things, and you deserve better than me.”
“So, you’re going to rehab to try to be the man I deserve?” I asked with a sarcastic bite to my voice.
We all knew how well that would fucking work.
“No, I fully understand that this might be the last time I see you. I don’t want to accept that, but I can eventually if that’s what you really want. But I’m going to rehab for me. To be the man I want to be…that I need to be.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I wanted to believe every word he’d said. I hoped he had all the best intentions, but I’d been burned so many times. It was hard to stand there and hear him say the same bullshit I’d heard from my dad…from Dillon.
“So, I guess I’m going to go,” Austin said.
His eyes were so intent on mine that I couldn’t pull myself away even if I wanted to.
“I’ll be out of here for the next ninety days at least. Plenty of time for you to figure out if you want anything to do with me. But just don’t forget about me, okay?”
“Austin, I’m not giving you any promises.”
“I don’t want you to. I want you to know that you’re the most important thing in my life.” He took a step forward and dropped a soft kiss onto the top of my head. He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry I realized that too late.”
Then, he pulled away from me without a good-bye. It was as if he might never leave if he stayed another moment.
I watched Jensen’s truck barrel down the road, carrying Austin far, far away from here. I was shaken. I didn’t know where to start. Part of me was fucking furious that, after everything, he’d gone and gotten fucked up and then hooked up with Maggie. But the other part of me was just so happy he was going to get help. He needed it. He really fucking needed it.
Heidi’s head popped out of the front door. “Did he just leave?”
“Yeah,” I said distantly.
“Everything all right?”
I could see Landon standing behind her with a worried expression on his face.
“Jensen is taking him to rehab.”
“Oh, wow,” Heidi said.
“Are you serious?” Landon asked, coming fully out of the house now.
I nodded. “Yeah. Can I ask you for a favor?”
“Of course,” Landon said. “What’s up?”
“Will you get me Maggie’s number?”
He frowned. “Uh, why?”
“Because I need to make a very important phone call.”
I didn’t give two fucks if Maggie hated me. The feeling was mutual. But I wanted all the fucking facts about what had really happened. I wanted to hold on to my anger and not trust everything he’d said. It was easier than thinking that maybe, just maybe, Austin had realized his mistakes. Easier than thinking that we might have a shot at this if he really did get the help he needed.
Thirty-Five
Austin
When I’d asked Jensen to take care of it, I hadn’t quite expected this. We were in Malibu, driving up to an enormous and gorgeous rehabilitation facility. It was the best in the country and had the price tag to prove it.
“I can’t believe we just flew to California for this,” I said.
“Well, it’s not a vacation,” Jensen said as we moved through the gated doors.
“Of course not.”
“I got you the best treatment available. This is where all the top celebrities go because it offers them the privacy they need to get better. You deserve nothing less than that.”