“She is.”
“Can I talk to her? It’ll only be a minute.”
Heidi’s head swiveled back to me. “Julia?”
I breathed in deeply and then stood. Man, I was not looking forward to this again. I didn’t care how persistent Austin was; I wasn’t about to change my mind. Not with things the way they were.
“It’s fine,” I told Heidi.
She nodded and brushed my shoulder as she went back into the kitchen.
“Let’s go outside,” I suggested.
“Okay. But it’s not going to take long. Jensen is waiting for me.”
He pointed his thumb over his shoulder, and I saw Jensen’s giant truck idling on the street. Strange.
“Still having trouble driving?” I asked as we stepped outside.
“No. I’m leaving.”
My head snapped up to him. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. Jensen is taking me to rehab. I’m going to be gone for the next three months at an inpatient facility. Jensen set it all up. But I wanted to see you. I, uh…” He glanced off for a second, as if arguing with himself. “I wanted to tell you some stuff before I went.”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “You’re…you’re really going to rehab?” I couldn’t keep the disbelief from my voice.
Austin had rejected the idea of getting professional help from the start. He’d never thought it would be helpful or that he needed it or that he even had a problem. He’d just done whatever he wanted, never really improving. It was almost too good to be true to think that he was actually doing this.
“Yes, I am.” He gestured for us to sit on the outdoor furniture in front of Landon’s house. “Jensen didn’t even think that I should stop and talk to you before going, but I had to.”
“Even though we’re broken up?”
“Especially because we’re broken up.”
I didn’t know how to take that. “Well, I’m glad you’re going. I think it’s a really good idea. I hope it helps you.”
“Me, too. Because you were right.”
“About?”
“Everything.” He ran a hand back through his hair. “You and Jensen and my family and everyone. You all saw me for what I was and what I was doing to myself. I didn’t really realize until this morning. I’d thought I did, but I was fooling myself.”
“What made you see the light?”
He winced. “Just…hear me out.”
I braced myself because I had a feeling whatever he was about to say was not something I wanted to hear.
“What did you do?” I asked low, worried.
“I emptied the rest of the bottles in my house last night and mixed them with the pain pills I’d gotten from Noah. It was stupid, but I just…” He shook his head in frustration. “I defaulted to how I always acted. I was so fucking hurt. After I’d gotten the shit beat out of me, you broke up with me. Just abandoned me.”
“Austin—”
“No, no, I’m not mad at you. Well, not anymore. I get your reasons. I get why you did it. I get why you don’t trust me. I don’t trust me.” He looked like he wanted to reach out for me, but he didn’t. “I wanted to go back to not feeling. I didn’t know how to feel this intensely. I didn’t know how to react to what I felt without finding the bottle.” He shrugged and glanced off. “But that isn’t why I’m here. I’m just…fuck, I really want to avoid this conversation.”
Tension vibrated through every muscle as I waited for the news, and I didn’t even know what it was. “Tell me.”
“When I got drunk, I invited Maggie over.”
I froze and stopped breathing. “Wow.”
“Julia—”
I shook my head and stood up. “Go fuck yourself, Austin.”
“No, no, no,” he said, running ahead of me to block my path.
“Get out of my fucking way. You don’t get to come here and throw that bullshit at me.”
“I’m not,” he insisted. “I didn’t sleep with her.”
“And you expect me to believe you? Again?”
“I’m not asking you to get back together with me, Julia. I’m not even asking you to forgive me. I hardly forgive myself for even inviting her over. I’m asking you to listen. You can call Maggie yourself if you want. Though you’re probably not her favorite person right now.”
“I’m not her favorite person?” I nearly shrieked.
All of that cool, calm I’d felt toward Austin shattered, and I was left reeling. What the fuck?
“No, you’re not. Because I invited her over. We…made out,” he said with another well-placed wince. “And I thought that being with her would make me forget you. But she was all wrong. Nothing could make me forget you. No one else could ever be you. I realized too late that you are perfect for me. Perfect for me in ways I hadn’t even known.”