Fuck!
I pushed away from my desk and left my office. I’d thought I was fine with all this shit. It turned out, my clarity only came from Julia. Once I stopped and thought about Maverick’s death, everything hit me fresh. All the reasons I’d started drinking in the first place. All the reasons I couldn’t stop myself from craving the bottle. It ate at me.
I stumbled into Patrick’s office and shut the door behind me. “Do you have a drink?”
Patrick glanced up from his computer. “What the hell, man? I thought you were cutting back?”
“I am. Fuck!”
I slammed down into the seat in front of his desk and put the heels of my hands to my forehead. “I just…need a drink.”
“Dude. No. You just want a drink. Is this about Sutton?”
“Maybe.”
“Look, I’m like your brother. I’ve been there from the start. I know that Maverick’s death can’t be easy with your past,” Patrick said. “But is having a drink really the answer?”
“Do you have one or not?” I snapped at him.
“I’m not going to fucking give you one when you’re like this.”
“You’re a dick.”
Patrick shrugged. “You’ve been doing really well, dude. Take some deep breaths, and get yourself back under control. Would you have gone to Julia for this?”
“Of course not!”
“Then, you don’t need that drink.”
“I know!” I burst out of my seat and started pacing the room. “I know I don’t. But…what the fuck am I going to do, Patrick?”
“You’re going to sit your ass back down and deal with it, like how everyone else does.”
I sat. “How does everyone else deal?”
“With time,” he said. “I know that’s not what you want to hear.”
“No, it’s not.”
“But this will pass.”
I tilted my head back and looked up at the ceiling. He was right. Inherently, I knew he was right. But it didn’t stop the thirst. It didn’t make me feel any less crazy for wanting it so desperately. I didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t think I knew anyone who could understand what I was going through.
“Okay. Yeah. You’re right.” I shook my head.
I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it.
“Are we still on for my birthday next week?”
I nodded. “I’m down. What do you want to do?”
“I’d say dinner, but Mindi and I are off again.”
“Big surprise.”
“I don’t want to be the third wheel with you and Julia.”
“Then, invite someone else.”
“I guess I could see if Mor is free.”
I grinned. Was Patrick finally admitting what was between him and Morgan?
Then, I looked at his face and realized the idiot still had no clue.
Patrick wrinkled his nose and then shrugged. “But maybe we should just go out with the guys.”
“Cool, man.”
Patrick stared back at his computer screen. Case closed. “You should probably stay in here until you’re okay again. All right?”
I nodded and didn’t move from his office for several hours.
Fuck, I’m so weak.
Twenty-Four
Julia
My back ached. Why the fuck did I decide to wear heels to work today?
I had no clue how Heidi did it every day. All it did was make my feet hurt and put me in a bad mood. And I’d promised to have a girls’ night with Heidi and Emery tonight while Austin was out with the guys. I sure hoped they didn’t expect me to stay in my heels. Not happening.
I hopped out of my Tahoe with a wince and hobbled inside to my apartment. I kicked the annoying shoes off my feet, flexing them against the carpet. With a sigh, I stripped out of my work outfit and into sweatpants. Best part of the day.
I was just tugging on an oversize T-shirt when the doorbell rang.
“Coming!” I called.
A man stood on the other side of the peephole. Unease ate through me.
“Who is it?”
“I have a delivery you have to sign for,” the man said.
“What’s it for?”
“Uh…flowers.”
I released the breath I’d been holding in a whoosh. Flowers. Just flowers. Of course. That’s…logical. Not where my brain was going at all. God, I wished that I didn’t almost have a panic attack anytime someone showed up at my apartment.
“Sorry about that,” I said after I slid all the locks open.
“No problem. Just sign here,” the guy said.
He still looked at me like I was a lunatic. I forgot that the sign coming into Lubbock said, The Friendliest City in America. I probably seemed like a crazy person with all my paranoia.