I smiled shyly at him. A flush crept up my neck and flooded my cheeks. I wasn’t used to feeling this way. As if everything really was going to be all right. That, even though it was a hard road, we might be able to make it through together. The way I’d made it through all the shit that had happened to me with the help of a close friend. Maybe I could be that person for Austin.
I ignored the part of my brain that said it wasn’t possible.
That part of my brain was a bitch.
Fourteen
Austin
I actually believed that.
That I could change the world with Julia at my side. I’d been ignoring my feelings for her for a long time. Longer than she even knew. But, now that we were here together, that felt stupid. I wanted to keep my job, I wanted Julia, I wanted to live longer than my dad. If I had to give up alcohol for all of that…it was feasible. At least, I hoped so.
“Well, what about your art?” I asked, veering the conversation to safer territory, as she tore into the sticky funnel cake.
White powder coated her face, and she laughed as she tried to wipe the sugar from her mouth and fingers. She put one finger into her mouth and sucked it down to the end. She made a little pop sound as it left her lips. Her dark eyes met mine, and a seductive smile appeared. For a second, the carnival disappeared. All I could see was a fucking beautiful woman sucking off her own fingers like I knew she could suck off my cock. And I wanted it.
Goddamn control!
Why did I have to have some? Why did I want this to go right so bad? Fuck everything else; I would be happy to find the back of a booth or the open field or even my tiny little car. But I knew she deserved more.
“Austin?” she said in that throaty deep voice.
“Uh, yeah?” I had to shake myself out of my trance. I was glad that we were sitting down.
“I asked what you wanted to know about my art.”
“Right.” I picked myself out of the gutter. “What have you done lately?”
“Nothing,” she said with a nonchalant shrug that I knew was anything but.
“Why not? With your talent, you could have your own studio exhibit downtown.”
“I don’t feel inspired.”
I shot her an exasperated look. “Tell me what we have to do to inspire you. Because you cannot waste that talent.”
“Austin—”
“No, Jules, you need to be in classes. You need your own studio. Practice makes perfect and all that. If you’re helping me, then don’t think I’m going to sit back and let you ignore something that brings you joy.”
“Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Austin Wright?” she asked with a flirtatious smile.
I held my hands out to the sides. “Same person I’ve always been.”
She snorted. “We’ll see.”
We finished off the rest of our food and dumped it in a trash can before walking around the carnival. I reached for her hand, and she didn’t bite my head off when I took it.
“Oh, look, progress,” I muttered under my breath.
Her eyes shot to mine. “Don’t make me cut you.”
“Well, the last couple of times I’ve tried this, you almost did.”
“You were being a dick.”
I shrugged. “Can’t change the way we are together.”
“So, I should be jumping down your throat.”
“With your tongue preferably.”
“Pig.”
But her tone was light, and her eyes were sparkling. I was ready to get back to what we had started at the shooting range. As soon as I pushed, she’d pull back. She seemed determined for this to be a normal date. I thought it was interesting that she thought we could ever be normal. Hadn’t she dumped that boring douche from accounting because she didn’t want that shit?
“Take it or leave it, babe.”
“I’ll think on it.”
I’d take that.
We spent the next hour riding all of the rickety high-speed rides that made my heightened nausea grow. This no-drinking thing was already taking its toll. I was glad when we finally gave up on the fast rides.
“Ferris wheel?”
She shook her head. “Nah, let’s play games.”
“What? You’ve been on every other ride.”
“So?”
“You don’t want to make out on the top of the Ferris wheel? Are you really going to deny me this?”
Julia laughed. “I’m kind of afraid of heights.”
“What?” I gasped. “I thought you were fearless.”
“How could you possibly think that?” she asked seriously.
“You take on everything headfirst. You’re strong and smart. You kick ass.”
She glanced off in the distance, and once again, I was struck with the thought that there was something Julia wasn’t telling me. Something that just wasn’t right. I didn’t know what it was, but I wanted to find out.