I almost laughed. Oh, how I wish it were all that fucking simple.
“No. Jensen accused me of being an alcoholic and said that I had to go to rehab before they’d even consider it.”
Julia chewed on her bottom lip, and for the first time, she glanced away from me. I knew what she was thinking. She’d made it clear that she thought I drank too much. But it was all bullshit. An excuse layered over everything else. If I gave up drinking, they’d find some other reason not to pick me.
“Maybe you should listen to him,” Julia said.
Here it comes.
I pushed my chair back and started for the door. Fuck, I really just wanted to get drunk and laid tonight. Not deal with this shit.
I was outside and walking down the darkened alley toward Buddy Holly Avenue when Julia rushed up behind me.
“Why the hell did you storm off?” she demanded. She had her hands covering her arms as the late-night cold bit into her.
“Why the hell are you following me, Jules?” I snapped back at her.
She glared in my direction, and something in me snapped. I grabbed her by her shoulders and slammed her back into the brick wall outside the bar. Her breathing was ragged, and her mouth parted slightly at my movements. My body was pressed up against her lower half, and I never let her shoulders go. I held on for dear life as I stared down at those perfect pink lips, and I kicked myself for not diving straight in.
“You just up and left without explanation.”
I leaned forward into her, got dangerously close. Everything in her awakened at the movement.
“You don’t want to go out with me,” I said. “You don’t want to have anything to do with me. You abandoned me on the top of the canyon a week ago and said that all we did was argue. So, if you don’t want this, then leave me the fuck alone.”
“Excuse me for trying to find out why you’re not getting a job I think you deserve,” she spat in my face. “I guess I was wrong.”
“What I deserve has never mattered to anyone.”
She searched my face. I didn’t know what she hoped to find. All I was feeling right now was rage. Yet my dick twitched at her nearness, and I knew that she noticed. Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind unleashing all my pent-up energy on her. I could fuck her in this alleyway. We both wanted it. We were both holding back. Hanging on the edge by a thread.
“Oh, I’ve missed that look,” I said, pushing her even though I knew I shouldn’t.
“What look?” Her voice was breathy and her eyes unfocused as my hands slid down from her shoulders to her waist.
“The one begging me to fuck you.” I moved my mouth to her ear. “Do you want me to fuck you, Jules?”
She whimpered softly as I thrust my hips harder against her.
“No,” she managed to get out.
“You sure?”
She hesitated. “No.”
“That’s right. I know you do.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” she whispered.
“I know that your body is craving mine, like an addict in need of her next fix.”
Julia winced. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t do drugs,” I said with disdain.
“And alcohol is…”
“Different.”
“Bullshit,” she spat, pushing me away. “You talk about all the other addictions out there—drugs, sex, money—yet you won’t own up to your own. It’s pathetic.”
“What’s pathetic is that you’ll use any excuse to argue with me.” I shook my head and pushed away from the wall. “Any excuse to put distance between us.”
“Sex was never our problem!”
“Then, why aren’t we having it?”
“Because you are the problem,” she said, gesturing to all of me.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
I turned on my heel and started back down the street. There were plenty of other bars. I didn’t need to be in the one loaded with expectations and judgment.
“Where the hell are you going?” Julia called after me.
“Finding someone who wants to suck my dick,” I viciously snarled back at her.
I heard the string of curses come out of her mouth and almost laughed. She was the one denying herself. It wasn’t my problem. She didn’t want to go out with me. She didn’t want to fuck me. She wanted to fix me. Well, I didn’t need fixing. And I didn’t need her.
I glanced back over my shoulder once and saw her standing alone on the sidewalk. She looked torn between coming after me again and walking back inside.
Truth was…I might not need her, but, fuck, did I want her.
“Go on inside, Jules,” I said. “The life you want isn’t with me.”