“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But, as you can see, history repeating itself wasn’t so good on my psyche. Landon made his choice all those years ago. I know he did what he thought was right. I just hated all of you for a long time because of him.”
We walked on in the snow in silence for another minute. I didn’t know what to say to all of that. I hadn’t realized how hurt Landon had been. When he’d disappeared to Stanford, I’d thought he’d been fine. Boy, was I wrong.
“So, since we’re being all open and honest now,” Emery said, glancing over at me. “Did you see Vanessa when you were in New York?”
“I did,” I answered slowly.
I weighed my options. How much could I tell her right now. There were still things that she didn’t know. Things that I knew I should tell her. But she looked so tense and ready to run. I worried one more thing would push her over the edge. I promised myself that I would tell her though when the time was right.
“But I didn’t go there to see her, and absolutely nothing happened. I was there for business.”
“Landon said it was complicated between the two of you.”
“It is. Vanessa is complicated,” I confirmed.
She crossed her arms over her chest, as if she were trying to keep her insides from squirming at the thought.
“But it’s not like that,” I rushed on. “I told you once that I could never be with her after what had happened, and that hasn’t changed.”
“Then, why did you see her?”
“We’re divorced, but not…disentangled. It’s complicated.”
“Disentangled?”
God, I didn’t know how to explain this. “I’m working on the disentangling, part of the reason I went up there. Plus, I was selling off a part of Tarman. I bought the company to dismantle it,” I confessed.
She frowned and pursed her lips. She looked like she was considering everything else I had just said and finding it unsatisfactory.
“That’s not really an answer,” she said finally. “Why did you see her?”
“She still lives in my apartment in New York.”
“Why the hell would you let her live there?”
“This is part of the disentangling,” I admitted. Soon. I would tell her soon.
“And nothing happened?”
“Emery, no,” I said softly.
“I know, I know,” she said, shaking her head. “I should trust you in return. If you said it’s not like that, then it’s not like that.”
God, I had fucked up. She was so wary now. It was so clear to me, what an idiot I’d been.
Staring down into her beautiful face as snow slowly fell from the sky, I knew.
I’d tried to run.
I’d tried to hide.
I’d tried to say fuck it all.
But there was no turning back.
Emery Robinson was it for me.
And I would do anything to keep her.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said, pulling her to a stop again. I ran my hands down her arms. “I knew, even while I was doing it, that what I was doing was wrong. I just…fuck, I was just so angry. I felt like I was going through the same shit again. But, this time, I would not just be hurting the woman I love but my brother, too.”
“Love?” she whispered. Her mouth opened slightly in shock. “You love me?”
“Oh, Emery,” I said, threading my fingers through her hair and pushing it behind her ear. I stepped toward her, feeling all my walls crumbling down. “Of course I love you.”
Twenty-Eight
Emery
Having Jensen Wright love me was like walking in the sun.
But, while I played in the sunlight, I feared the darkness.
I wouldn’t forget the week Jensen and I’d spent apart. The shadow that he cast when the sun disappeared. I wasn’t crazy enough to believe that love would conquer everything, and I wasn’t naive enough to think that running was out of the question for him. He had proven that he would do it, and now, he had to prove to me that he wouldn’t.
Things hadn’t been perfect since I agreed to give him a chance. I was guarding my time and my heart, wary of what was to come. I’d seen him on Christmas after his time with his family and had been mostly welcomed, Miranda aside. Landon had been uncomfortable around the two of us, but there were no more outbursts from him. It would take everyone a while to adjust. Our time post-Christmas had almost been too perfect. Maybe I was gun shy, but I worried that everything wasn’t what it seemed.
Still I’d agreed to go with him to a New Year’s Eve party at the Overton Hotel downtown. I wanted things to be right. I wanted to bask in his love and affection. But I also didn’t want to get hurt. And my heart was warring with my head.