“You owe me a tennis racket!” I shouted helplessly as Trevor sauntered off.
I admit it, Trevor had avenged himself for the Naked Woods Night. Because of him I’d lost my dad’s fancy-schmancy racket. And more importantly, he’d made me the enemy in the eyes of the only people in town who might understand me and be my friends. They were my freedom from Dullsville and my connection to humanity, but now because of Trevor, the Mansion would be harder to get into than when it was boarded up.
9
Living Hell
“You what?” my father yelled during dinner after I told him I lost his racket.
“Well, it’s not exactly lost. I just don’t have it.”
“Then get it back if you know where it is.”
“That would be impossible right now.”
“But I have a game tomorrow!”
“I know, Dad, but you have other rackets.” I tried to deflate the power of that one particular racket. Big mistake!
“Others? It’s that easy for you? Just go buy another Prince Precision OS racket?”
“I didn’t mean that—”
“It’s bad enough you deface property at school!”
“I’m sorry, but—”
“Sorry’s not good enough this time. Sorry’s not going to win me my game tomorrow. My racket is. I can’t believe I let you take it out of here in the first place!”
“But, Dad, I’m sure you made mistakes when you were a hippie teenager!”
“And I paid for them! Like you’re going to pay for my racket.”
My bank account had about five dollars in it, the remains of my Sweet Sixteenth birthday money. And I still owed Premiere Video twenty-five dollars in late fees. I quickly did the math in my head. Dad was going to have to keep my allowance until I was thirty.
Then he said the three words that reverberated in my head and made me go dizzy with fury. As he said them I thought I was going to explode into a million unhappy pieces.
“Get a job!” he proclaimed. “It’s about time, too. Maybe that’ll teach you some responsibility!”
“Can’t you just spank me? Or ground me? Or not speak to me for years like parents do on those talk shows? Please, Dad!”
“It’s final! End of story! I’ll help you find a job if you can’t on your own. But you’ll have to do the work yourself.”
I ran to my room, wailing like baby Nerd Boy, screaming at the top of my lungs, “You people just don’t understand the pressure of being a teenager in my generation!”
As I cried on my bed, I fantasized about sneaking into the Mansion like I did with Jack Patterson when I was twelve and retrieving the racket.
But I also knew I was a little bigger in the hips now and that the window we’d used had been replaced. I’m sure the new owners also had a security system and, in any case, where would I look for the racket with so many rooms and closets? And while I was searching frantically, I was sure to be caught by Creepy Man wielding a gun or some medieval torture device. A part-time job was a less menacing scenario, but not by much.
At this point I really wished I were a vampire—I’d never heard of Dracula’s having a job.
Connections. They’d be wonderful if my dad knew Steven Spielberg or the Queen of England, but Janice Armstrong of Armstrong Travel just doesn’t cut it for me.
Far worse than having to show up there after school three days a week, answering phones in a perky voice, photocopying tickets with that hideous blinding flash in my eyes, and talking to yuppies going to Europe for the fourth time was the totally conservative dress code.
“I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to wear those…” Janice began, staring at my shoes. “What do you kids call them?”
“Combat boots.”
“We aren’t the army. And it’s okay to wear lipstick, but it should be red.”
“Red?”
“But you can pick any shade.”
Very generous, Janice! “How about pink?”
“Pink would be great. And you’ll need to wear skirts. But not too short.”
“Red skirts?” I asked.
“No, they don’t have to be red. They can be green or blue.”
“I can pick any shade?” If she was going to make me feel like an idiot, I was going to act like one.
“Certainly. And hose—”
“Not black?”
“Not ripped.”
“And the nail polish,” she began, staring at my fingertips.
“Not black, but any shade of red. Or pink would be great,” I recited.
“Very good,” she said with a big smile. “You’re fitting in already!”
“Thanks, I guess,” I said as I got up to leave. I checked my watch. The interview had taken fifteen minutes, but it felt like an hour. This job was going to be complete torture.