Wait for it….
It takes longer than I think it should for it to sink in. I’ve counted to thirty before he turns around and stares at me blankly.
I move my hand down to rest on my still flat stomach. His eyes widen and his mouth falls open.
After a long pause, I give him a nod of confirmation and my eyes flutter closed for a couple seconds.
“You’re…?”
I simply nod again.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” I don’t even think my reply is completely out of my mouth before he’s crossed the room and picks me up. He swings me around, hugging me tight. He’s mumbling, “Oh my God, oh my God!” over and over into my breasts. I half expect him to sneak a motorboat in there while he’s at it. I just grip his head tighter, relishing the moment.
He finally sets me down and kisses me. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen this man…the man I love and worship and would do anything for.
“Thank you, Emily. Thank you for giving me everything I’ve always wanted, a family.”
~Twelve Years~
"It's something I want to do, babe."
Emily stands silent, looking at me like I'm a two-headed monster.
"Please say something." I really can't handle the silence. "It's crazy, I know. Just say it's a bad idea." I feel like a balloon deflating.
My wife slowly moves to where I pace in front of the couch. "Ethan, after fifteen years together, you still have the ability to surprise me."
Her expression has softened. This means she's going to let me down easy. That's just Emily. She never says no, never yells, and never makes me feel guilty… she'll just phrase something so I realize how fundamentally bad the idea is; and trust me, there have been some terrible ideas over the years.
"You are the most virile, yet sensitive, man I know..."
Here it comes, the compliment followed by the let-down. "Let's make the appointment."
I know I look like, as Mark would say, "a total douche" right now. My son has many great qualities, but his honesty is often overwhelming. Nevertheless, I find that he's rarely wrong.
"Um, what?" I need clarification, because it sounds like she just agreed to this.
"I said, set up the appointment. We have been through so much, and we know what it's like, Ethan. If we can provide someone else with the opportunity to live in a safe environment, to grow, and be part of a family, then let's do it."
Emily wants to do this; with no reasoning, and no explanation, she agrees to this life-changing idea. I know my wife is an extraordinary person, and today she proves there are no exceptions.
"Should we talk to Mark first?" I want this to be a family decision, and this affects our son as well as Emily and me.
"Your son takes after you in the compassion department, sweetheart. I don't think we have anything to worry about. As a matter of fact, I think you'll find him to be a little excited about the news." As usual, it seems my wife may be privileged to information I am not.
"It will be hard, Emily."
She smiles.
"Nothing worth doing is ever easy, Ethan."
~
"Welcome to Cornerstones Ministries, Mr. Parker."
"Thanks, Erin, I'm excited to do this."
"We are exceptionally pleased that you have returned to us as a mentor. As you know, sometimes our stories don't have happy endings. So, to have one of our own be a success and want to come back and mentor…" I almost think she'll cry. "It's special to us to have you here, Ethan."
~
After Mark was out of the toddler stage, I decided to volunteer for ongoing work with kids placed in “the system." They were there for a variety of reasons, not just those abandoned by their parents or abuse/neglect cases. I was supposed to do tutoring, mentoring, or classroom/school assistance, but honestly, I just wanted to take the kids to a ball game or whatever, just to give them something normal.
Tanner was my fifth Buddy.
"I have something a little different this time, Ethan—if you're up for it." My previous Buddies had been kids from group homes where there was no family involvement.
"Tanner is seven. He lives at home with his mom." Erin's face begins to redden a bit. "She has a terminal cancer diagnosis; they've given her about six months. There's no family, so Janice has decided to begin working with us for possible foster placement or adoption." Erin sets down her pen and looks at her hands. I can tell this one has gotten to her.
"We need someone to fill the void. Jan is so sick, and she can't do much with Tanner. Is this something you think you could handle?" The way she's looking up at me tells me there's something else. I give her a look that suggests I expect as much.