Being nervous about Emily’s sexual experience, or lack thereof, isn’t my only reason for pause. I don’t know whether or not I should divulge my history. Part of me thinks it plays a huge part in things, while the other part of me says it doesn’t matter. I’m torn and don’t know which is right. I know honesty is the best policy, but will it do more harm than good in this case?
“Ethan?” I look up and see those expressive eyes. She needs my comfort and acceptance. Even though I made it clear we are only sleeping tonight, it seems like she is still trying to persuade me to do more. How else would you explain the tiny underwear and feline-like movements? If I don’t stop this dead in its tracks now, I know I won’t. Things will go too far too fast.
I open my arms in invitation, hoping she gets the message without hurt feelings. “Just lay down with me.”
~
Why is she giggling?
The haze from sleep is slowly lifting, and the morning sun shines through the window. I want to recap the events of last night before I open my eyes and look at the most important person in my life.
“Ethan?” Emily whispers.
“Hmmm,” I answer to let her know I’m awake. Her hand is on my stomach, under my shirt, where she strokes the hair just above my belly button.
“Can I touch it?” Emily breathes in a hushed tone.
My eyebrows furrow with my eyes still closed.
“Touch what?”
Another giggle.
Emily’s hand slides down a little further, and a finger dips inside the waist of my pajamas.
Whoa!
I grab her wrist to still her movement, but she tugs away. “I want this, Ethan. I want this with you. Please don’t make me beg you.”
The last thing I want is for Emily to connect negative feelings to sex with me, but I never came to a resolution last night. I am not sure how much to tell her, but I don’t think dwelling on it any longer will help me decide. I’m going to have to throw a bone and see her response.
“We need to talk, Emily.”
“Later.” It’s a bold statement on her part, but I can’t deny her as her hand moves under my waistband. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve denied her touch for too long, and I don’t want to wait for another second. Her lips move to mine, my mouth automatically opening. I want nothing more than to swallow her whole but settle for the caress of her tongue on mine.
Her fingers play under my pants, flirting with the idea of moving lower. My hands have been flat against the mattress until now, but I can’t stop their journey to her arms, then back. Knowing she is touching me intimately gives me the courage to do the same. My hand floats to the crest of her ass, gliding across her flesh. She moans, giving me the courage to extend my caress to her bare flesh beneath her panties. My touch is tentative because I want to get this right.
“Yes,” comes her strangled plea.
We continue kissing with nips and tugs of lips and teeth; my hand moves to the top of her thigh, then down to the dip where her ass meets her legs. She pushes toward me, her pussy opening to meet my waiting hand. I don’t have to search far before encountering slick skin, eager for my attention. Her breath stutters as my fingers begin to move, stroking her.
Her hand moves to touch me, her thumb rubbing my head, spreading the pre-cum. Her touch feels so good that I move my mouth away from hers, fearful I’ll bite her. Instead, my teeth graze her jaw then continue to move lower. My mouth waters at the thought of tasting more of her. I’ve imagined what her nipples look like—taste like. I want to know that my fantasies don’t compare, even a small portion, to the reality. But this is not a fantasy. This is someone I care about, dream about, someone who matters and this has to be right.
I pull her tank down, exposing her breasts. My mouth immediately latches on, suckling and lapping at the darkened peak. My fingers massage while my tongue caresses, and in only a few seconds, Emily is panting and writhing. Her head falls to my chest as she stiffens in my arms. I’ve never felt so satisfied, despite not having my own release. But it doesn’t matter, because I know that this is only the beginning. This is the first of many gifts I hope to give her.
~
After I make her get dressed completely, we sit at the kitchen table for a much needed discussion.
“So, you’ve never….?” I start.
“No.”
While I’m deliriously happy Emily is a virgin, I also know the pain associated with the first time for a woman, and I’m not looking forward to inflicting that. I want to give her pleasure, not pain.
“What about you?” Emily asks followed by a big gush of air. “Never mind; that’s a stupid question. Of course you have. I mean, look at you.” I open my mouth to answer her, but she doesn’t let me.