As though I’ve been given a sedative, a drug of a different kind, being in Cash’s arms has an instant and an intense effect on me. I feel like crumbling and flying, like dancing and crying, like living and like dying. Wrapped up in him, in his bad boy ways and his good guy heart, is my whole world. Somehow, while I wasn’t looking, I fell. And I fell hard.
For my soul mate. For the love of my life. For my hero.
In the blink of an eye, I realize I’ve never been broken by a bad boy. I’ve never been devastated by a cheater. I’ve never been duped by a player. I’ve never cared enough for them to do me any real damage, any lasting harm. My pride has been wounded, my heart has been kicked around a little and my self-esteem has taken a hit or two, but all that’s like child’s play in light of what the loss of Cash could do to me.
What I did learn from my relationship failures, however, is that trust doesn’t come easy for me. I’ve blamed my issues on the men in my life. I’ve chalked every disastrous attempt at love on the skirt-chasing ways of the bad boy, when it’s been me all along. Subconsciously, I’ve chosen men who would prove me right about the worthlessness of a bad boy, rather than bring to light my own shortcomings, my own fears. And it’s been a convenient cop out until Cash came along. Cash broke all the rules, broke all my rules. He’s not giving me reason to run. He’s giving me reason to stay. And all I have to do is muster the courage to do it, to take the chance that it might not work out, to take the chance that I might very well get hurt. He’s giving me something to invest in, and all I have to do is believe in it.
For real this time.
But can I take the leap? Can I tell him I love him, and mean it, when death isn’t knocking at my door? When disaster isn’t looming? Can I open up my chest and make my heart vulnerable to him?
In the space of a heartbeat, with Cash looking down into my face, I’ve worked my befuddled mind into a twisted maze of confusion and uncertainty. With a small smile of gratitude, I lay my head on his chest and let him carry me from the room. There will be time for thoughts and musings and declarations later.
I hope.
I feel his lips brush my hair and I hear his sigh whisper through his chest just before he whisks me from the room. In three long, powerful strides, he crosses the room and carries me out into the hall. He pauses at the first doorway to look inside, then does the same at the second. When he finds it empty as well, he puts his back to the wall and creeps toward the light shining at the end of the short passageway.
Gavin rounds the corner, startling a surprised chirp out of me. His face is done up much like Cash’s, the dark paint making his blue eyes pop. They’re not the sexy, twinkling blue eyes I’ve come to expect, though. These eyes are cold and serious and…ominous. It’s almost like seeing another personality living behind the familiar face.
“She all right?” Gavin asks of Cash, tipping his head at me.
“I think so. I’ll check her out when I get her home.”
“I won’t be long. I just have some…cleaning up to do.”
Without another word, Gavin moves into the room at my right and takes a fallen man by the hands and begins to drag him toward the hall. Cash walks ahead of him, aiming for the door. I watch Gavin over his shoulder.
He pulls the unconscious man into the main living area, the floor of which is devoid of any kind of furniture but for a single old, brown couch. He deposits the man at the end of a row of bodies. Each one is lined up next to the other, shoulder to shoulder, like a bizarre prone firing line. A shudder passes through me as I wonder at their fate. It’s in that moment I realize that, despite my animosity toward them for holding me against my will, I really don’t want to know what’s to become of them. I have a feeling I’ll be better off without that kind of information.
Outside, Cash pauses on the front porch, looking left and right. When he spots what he’s looking for, he starts off down the street at a fast pace, even for his long legs. I see Gavin’s Hummer come into view just before I hear the beep of the keyless entry. Quickly, Cash opens the passenger side door and, with such excruciating tenderness that it tears at my heart, sets me on the seat and buckles me in.
He raises his head and gazes into my eyes. He looks tired yet relieved. He gives me a lopsided grin. “Rest, baby. You’re safe.” With a brush of his lips over mine, he closes the door. I’m asleep before he even gets behind the wheel.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX- Cash
Irritated, I grip the steering wheel a little tighter.
I sound like a damn woman!
We’ve been on the road long enough that the adrenaline has faded and my thoughts have turned completely toward Olivia. I bet I’ve glanced over at her sleeping face thirty times since we left. Maybe more. That number might be a little conservative.