Up in Flames(26)

Maybe it was the fact that my brother, who had loved me most in the world, had fallen in love with her, and she’d become his number one. I had always found comfort in the fact that Rush loved me. Even when my mother didn’t act like it and my real father didn’t claim me, I knew my brother loved me. Blaire had stolen him from me—or at least that was how I saw it.

Seeing Rush with his family—the way he loved his son, the way he gave his wife and child the life he’d never had—made me proud of him, though. He wasn’t taught how to be a good parent, yet he was a fantastic one. I had finally come to grips with his love for his wife. It didn’t mean he didn’t love me, too. He loved us differently, and I was OK sharing him. That didn’t mean I was going to start hugging Blaire and being buddies and shit, though.

“Nate is looking forward to seeing Aunt Nan. He’s been talking about it ever since I told him you’d be coming for dinner. He expects you to sleep in his room.”

Having Nate’s love also helped me accept Blaire. She’d given life to a little boy who loved me. I didn’t have a lot of love in my world. My nephew was special. He loved me without fail, and I, in return, couldn’t hate his mother. I adored that kid.

“I’m sure whatever Nate asks me to do, I’ll do,” I replied honestly. He owned me.

Rush chuckled. “I know the feeling. Come on inside. I’ll grab your bags.”

I climbed out of the Range Rover, and we headed into the house. The smell of dinner was in the air, and it made my stomach growl. I hadn’t eaten all day, and I hadn’t been sure I’d be able to stomach anything tonight, though the delicious smells from the kitchen were giving me second thoughts.

“Aunt Nan!” Nate called out with pure joy in his voice as he ran toward me. He looked like he’d grown three inches since I’d seen him last. That made me sad. He wasn’t a baby anymore. He didn’t smell like a baby but like a sweaty little boy. I bent down and wrapped him in my arms as he held on tight.

“I got two new crabs today!” he told me gleefully.

Rush groaned behind me. “We’re going to turn into a crab farm if you keep bringing home new ones.”

Nate nodded vigorously, like that was the best idea he’d ever heard. “Yeah!” he agreed.

Giggling, I kissed his forehead. “I missed you.”

He kissed my forehead with a crooked grin so much like his father’s. “I missed you, too.”

“I missed you more,” I told him.

“I missed you to the moon and back” was his quick response.

Laughing, I squeezed him tighter.

“We got fish to eat,” he informed me. “And mac and cheese.”

“Momma caved and made you mac and cheese, huh?” Rush asked, sounding amused.

“Yeah. I like it better than that spinch stuff.” He replied with a wrinkle in his small nose.

“You’re still eating some of that ‘spinch’ stuff,” Blaire said as she walked into the room. I lifted my head to see her smiling at her son. Then she met my gaze, and her smile remained just as sincere. “Hello, Nan. I’m glad you’ve come to visit. He’s been asking about you. You’ve been missed.”

Not one word she said sounded forced or fake. Blaire was genuine. She had a huge heart, and she forgave without fault. I understood why my brother loved her. I was glad he’d fallen in love with a woman like her. Even if I had hated her.

“She’s gonna make you eat the spinch stuff, too,” Nate warned me.

The small laugh that came from inside me felt good. I hadn’t felt like laughing today, and I’d been sure it would be a while before I laughed again. Being near Nate tonight was exactly what I needed. I could forget my failures and inadequacies. I wished I could say I could forget Gannon, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that anytime soon. He’d made a mark I would feel for a long time.

“How about you and I both eat the ‘spinch,’ and then I’ll take you for ice cream if Mom and Dad say it’s OK.”

Nate’s eyes lit up, and he beamed at me. “Deal!” he cried out, and his arms squeezed my neck tightly.

I glanced up at Blaire to see if I was in trouble, but her smile told me it was OK.

I wanted what she had. I’d never get it, and a part of me hated her out of pure envy. She was everything I’d never be. She had a life I’d never know. My nephew and niece would be the only kids to show me unconditional love. My chest ached, but I pushed those thoughts away. Feeling sorry for myself was pointless. I knew that already.





Major


The dozen red roses in my hand had cost more than one hundred dollars. I hadn’t counted them as an expense, because I didn’t want this to feel like part of my job. This apology was real. Even if she didn’t know the difference between my work and what was genuine, I did. That mattered.