Neither of them spoke, but the silence was rich with tension, with the barriers that passion could not erase. Cole pressed his head to hers and inhaled the moment, not sure if it would be the last between them. This hadn’t been his intention when he’d followed her. They had to talk. He knew it and he had no doubt she did, too.
Anger started to burn all over again, anger over the way she’d shut him out. She’d let him inside her body, but not into her mind, not into her heart. He’d be damned if he was playing that game.
He picked her up and carried her to the bathroom, setting her on the counter and stepping away, feeling the disconnect of their bodies like a blast of cold air. He adjusted his pants and then grabbed a robe off the wall hanger and tossed it to her.
“Put it on,” he said, his gaze flickering over her puckered nipples, his dick daring to throb again, as if he hadn’t just been inside her. “We have to figure out what is going on between us, and believe me, if you don’t get dressed, we won’t figure out anything but how I can get back inside you anytime soon.” He didn’t hold back the truth. He didn’t hold back one damned iota. The truth was, he was hurting. Holly, the only woman he’d ever opened up to, spoken to of the past, of his pain over losing his mother, had nothing but scorn and, apparently, sex to offer him.
She blushed and fumbled with the robe, and he didn’t miss the slight shake of her hands, or the puckering of her nipples beneath the creamy silk of the robe. She hugged herself, and Cole leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest, studying her.
“I need to understand what’s going on, Holly.”
THE BATHROOM WAS TINY, ESPECIALLY with Cole occupying most of it with his big sexy body. Holly wanted to slide off the counter and hug him so she could feel his arms around her again. But the implacable set of his jaw, along with the steely stare, said it was time for answers. And she wasn’t sure she had them. She barely understood her own stupid behavior. It had been raw panic. Fear. A control thing that being with him again made her see as pathetically silly and unimportant.
“I feel like no matter what I say, I can’t make this right,” Holly finally admitted. “And that scares me almost as much as you do.” She expected him to say something, but he didn’t. She shifted a bit on the counter, tied the sash around her waist, pressed her hands to the surface beneath her. “When I thought you’d betrayed me, I was crushed. Then I found out you hadn’t, but I couldn’t seem to let go of how that betrayal felt.”
“The one that wasn’t real.”
“But don’t you see?” she pleaded. “It felt real. If I count on us and then we fall apart, what happens to me? And the family-home thing—I’d been thinking of moving home. For that, I need a foundation. I’ve always planned for things. I couldn’t plan for any of this. I couldn’t plan for you.” Everything about the man had her crazy, out of her mind. Good Lord, she’d almost had crazy, wild sex with him in the front of his truck. “It’s like a spinning ball, and I keep rolling faster. I can’t even drive my damned car without needing you to rescue me.”
His lips thinned, and he pushed off the wall. “I just realized something I was a fool to miss. I’ve taken the risk and made myself clear. I’ve told you, you’re the real deal for me, Holly. I’ve said I want you in my bed, where we both know you want to be, too. But in my life? You don’t even want me in your house. Not unless you can write me on your planner first. And baby, we both know that isn’t how this thing with us is. It’s all or nothing, and you just don’t have it in you to give it all.”
“I can. I will.”
He moved toward the door, rigid, unwilling to listen. Helplessness overcame her but she knew she had to do something or he’d be gone. Holly jumped off the counter. She plastered her hand on the hard wall of his chest. “Don’t go.”
Cold eyes met hers, eyes that said he’d made up his mind. He was leaving. “I can’t make this right, can I?” she whispered painfully.
“At the moment,” he said, “it doesn’t appear that way.” He removed her hand from his chest. “I need to think, Holly, and I can’t do that when I’m with you.” He walked out of the room, and she followed, her stomach roiling, as she watched him open the front door and exit without looking back.
Holly resisted the urge to run after him. Words weren’t enough to convince him she was past her temporary insanity. She had to find another way.