Thank God we’ll be at a place created for the sole purpose of drinking, because I’m going to need to be drunk from the beginning to the end of this weekend if I’m going to survive it. Especially with Raven being there.
I just left Taylor and Mac’s place. We had a bar-b-que at their condo tonight with a few other friends, since I’ll be gone for the next few days. Traffic isn’t too bad at the moment, because it’s ten o'clock on a Thursday night, so I’m able to get back to Vivian’s house a lot quicker than it took me to get to the condo earlier today. The one thing I hate about living in a city is the damn traffic. I hate trying to get to one simple destination and having to deal with bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Pulling up to my designated parking spot out front of the large Queen Anne style house, I put my car into park. Climbing out, I sprint across the small lawn and up the stairs to the front door, dodging the raindrops that are beginning to come down hard. I fumble with my keys in the dark, trying to find the one that goes to the front door. Finally finding it, I let myself in and am immediately greeted by the sound of sex. Like, right down the hall, in the living room. I swear to God if my dad and Vivian are doing the dirty downstairs, I’m going to flip my shit. They know to keep that nastiness upstairs.
I breathe in a shaky breath and then hold it as I walk quietly down the hallway. I hear the sounds become louder, and then the voices become clearer, and suddenly, I realize they’re not even speaking with an American accent.
It’s fucking British? What the fuck?
Walking around the corner, I turn into the living room and find Raven lying on the sectional, watching what looks like British porn.
“Whoa! You’re watching porn? You have no idea how fucking hot this is! Damn, I didn’t know you had such a dirty side, Spitfire!” I shout, startling her and causing Raven to sit up on the couch and press her hand to her chest.
Her eyes are bright and sparkling in the reflection of the flat screen shining onto her angelic face as she stares up at me with a look of shock. “It’s not porn, you asshole. It’s a freaking TV show!”
Turning my head, I look at the TV again and watch as the naked chick rides the guy’s dick while holding a dagger to his throat. “What the hell kind of show is this?!” I blurt out.
Laughing, she tucks her feet back under her butt, fixes her blanket, and looks back to the television show before bringing her gaze back up to mine. “It’s Outlander. My roommates wouldn’t stop talking about it all last semester, so I finally caved last week and went on an Outlander binge. I watched the entire first season before I came back to San Francisco, and now I’m watching the second season. You should watch it sometime. I know you like that Game of Thrones show, so you’d probably love this one too.”
Walking farther into the living room towards the front of the sectional, I plop down beside her. Slipping my sandals off, I kick my feet up onto the coffee table and relax into the plush couch. “Well, if there’s hot sex scenes like this, it’s definitely my kind of show.” I give her a cheeky grin as I stretch my arms in the air before bringing them to rest behind my head.
I can see her smirking at me out of the corner of my eye as I continue to watch the fuckfest unfolding before me.
Fuck. Watching this with her is really making it hard—pun intended—to control myself. It’s taking every ounce of willpower in me to not pin her down on this couch and fuck her brains out.
Raven shakes her head, but doesn’t say anything in response. I notice in the glow of the television that her cheeks are slightly flushed as she chews nervously on her lip and continues to watch the scene alongside me.
Watching two people go at it like fucking animals while sitting next to someone you’ve had sex with and your dick is screaming at you to let it have another go, saying it’s awkward is an understatement. Forget the danger that comes with it. I almost give in to that devil on my shoulder, but for now, I’m doing all right behaving myself. One thing for certain: I’m going to have the worst case of blue balls when I go to bed.
After a few moments, the Scottish dude says something, and Raven instantly sighs and whispers, “Why can’t men be like Jamie Fraser—seriously? I swear, every single guy I try to date is an asshole with commitment issues.”
Folding my arms against my chest, I turn my head toward her as I try to force my hands to behave themselves, because right now my dick is raging hard between sitting next to her and watching this crazy ass sex scene going on in front of me. “I take it the dude on the show is this Jamie Fraser guy? And let me guess, he says all the right things at just the right moment, and does over-the-top romantic gestures?”
Nodding, she rolls her eyes and brings her attention back to the show. “Yes, he does. And before you say another smartass comment like, ‘Let me guess; a woman wrote the story’, the answer is yes, a woman wrote the book series the show is based on, but that’s no excuse.”
Hearing her bad impersonation of my voice makes me burst out laughing. Ignoring my humor, she continues, “Is it really that impossible for a guy to meet a girl, fall madly in love with her, and then go out of his way to let her know he loves her? Our society is making me lose all hope in ever falling in love.”
Her response makes my stomach twist, and a feeling of anger and sadness hits me like a Mac truck. If only the timing was different for us, I could be the man she wants. But sadly, fate, or whatever we can blame it on, seems to want to get its kicks by giving us a taste of happiness and then ripping it away from us.
“So, I take it things with Bryant didn’t go too well the other night, by all this doom and gloom, ‘all men are assholes’ speech you’re giving me right now.” Even though I can’t have her, I still find myself praying that Bryant got his ass kicked to the curb, because the thought of him being with her makes me want to drive to his house and cut his fucking dick off.
She has me so consumed with needing her that I can’t even see straight. No matter how many girls I’ve fucked since that night, no one has been able to erase her from my thoughts.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Raven drops her head to the side, resting it against the back of the sofa, the whole time not taking her eyes off the show. All the while, I can’t seem to take my eyes off of her.
“He was nice, but there was no spark. It’s like the story of my life. Every guy I actually feel something when I’m with them do nothing but break my heart. Every. Single. Time. And then, I meet a guy who’s genuinely kind and respectful, and I find myself wishing I’d feel that electric spark with him, but there’s absolutely nothing. It’s so frustrating.”
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled that she and Bryant are not going anywhere, but at the same time, I feel like shit, because she is beautiful, has a huge heart, and even though she drives me completely insane most of the time when we’re around each other, I still want her to be happy.
Even if seeing her happy will kill me.
“What’s that saying? You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince Charming? I think when you least expect it, love will knock you flat on your ass when you finally find that one guy who can be everything you want—even if he doesn’t look like this Jamie Fraser dude or speak with an accent.” That gets a smile out of her that almost reaches her eyes this time.
“Sorry for ranting on and on like that. I’m probably boring you to death,” she says sincerely.
Dropping my feet back to the floor, I shift towards her, resting my arm along the back of the couch. I lift my hand and gently stroke her cheek, watching as her eyes flicker up to mine in a lust-filled gaze. I get lost momentarily in her eyes as we stare at one another, neither of us daring to speak a word and break the moment between us. The spark burns brightly in her irises as she brings her hand up to press it against mine still resting on her cheek.
My heart is racing, making my breathing labored as I try to take control of my emotions, which are exploding like dynamite inside my chest. I’ve never been in love, but I know deep in my heart what I am feeling for Raven is pretty damn close to it. It may just be infatuation, lust, or any other reasonable explanation for what I’m feeling for her, but whatever it is, it’s causing a million red flags to wave in between us. They’re warning me that I need to pull back, put some distance between us, fight with everything in me to ignore what I’m feeling inside, but my body feels as if it’s frozen in place, unwilling and unable to move, even if I wanted to.
I see the same emotions playing like a movie in Raven’s eyes as she sits, staring back at me with the same faraway look on her beautiful face. She’s just as lost in me as I am in her, and I have no idea how we’re going to find our way out of this mess we seem to be too stubborn to run away from.
Breaking the spell between us, I lick my lips and swallow slowly as I try to regain my composure. “I know we’ve been in a bad spot these last couple of months, but I’m hoping, after yesterday, we’re now getting past that. I’m here whenever you need to talk. I can’t promise I won’t have smartass responses or drive you up the wall with my opinions, but I’m still here for you whenever you need me.”