Grabbing my boutonniere of white roses, yellow hydrangeas and some other kinds of flowers I have no idea what they are, but they’re a pale pink, he holds it out to me. “I was born ready. Come here so I can pin this onto your suit.”
I stand in the middle of the room, taking in the buffet table that has an assortment of cheeses, fruits, and sparkling wine. First thing on my agenda is popping that bad boy open. I need something a tad bit stronger to settle my nerves, but this will have to do. Just the thought of having to sit through this wedding, staring at Raven across from me, and watch our parents wed is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Especially after seeing her just now. Every moment together, I find myself falling for her more. You’d think with this fucking wedding happening in less than a half-hour that I’d be focused on finding a single chick to take my mind off everything. But the only thing my dick is aching for is the one girl who’s refusing to go anywhere near it.
I don’t blame her. If I was smart, I’d be finding any way possible to avoid Raven and ignore the urge to bury myself in her, but it’s a waste of energy. The dick wants what the dick wants. There’s nothing I can do about it. Even though it’s the last thing I want to do, it looks like I’ll be flirting the night away with any girl eager enough to help take my mind off Raven. If not, I’ll be spending another night getting off to the image of her beneath me as she screams out my name in ecstasy. I can’t tell if my memories of us together are daydreams or nightmares, because after I allow myself to think about that night, I find myself feeling more pissed off and frustrated.
Two glasses of wine and thirty minutes of bullshitting with my dad later, there’s a knock at the door from the wedding planner informing us it’s time to head outside. Every single step I take as I make my way down to the altar to stand beside my father feels like cement blocks are attached to my feet.
Since running into Raven earlier, I now find myself replaying that kiss between us over and over again in my head from last night. I keep hearing her tell me, ‘We can never be together again.’
I keep thinking, What if we went for it?
It would be dangerous, but what if the risk was worth the reward?
If after a few months we haven’t fucked one another out of each other’s system, then take that next step and tell my dad and Vivian. I mean, come on! It’s not like we’re blood related, so they would eventually have to get over it.
But then I remember who they are, and who I am trying to be. When you’re part of ‘high society’, you have to do everything in your power to avoid any kind of scandal. One tiny thing like me falling for my stepsister could turn into this huge media circus, hurting Vivian, my dad, and our reputations. It’s all one big fucking mess. It could all be avoided if either, one: we could force ourselves to walk away from each other for good, pushing our feelings aside and moving on with our lives, even if it makes us miserable. Or two: My dad and Vivian split up, which judging by the wedding I’m about to witness transpire, I’d say our only option is number one. No matter how badly it hurts us.
My hands are sweating and I feel sick to my stomach as I stand beside my father and watch as he takes Vivian’s hands into his and begins saying his vows. I don’t hear a word he’s saying, because the blood roaring in my ears from my heart slamming so hard against my chest is making it impossible for me to hear anything.
I keep trying to force my eyes to focus on the happy couple in front of me, but instead, seeing as my eyes have a mind of their own, they keep focusing on Raven. I feel nauseous as my stomach knots with every passing moment. It’s taking everything in me not to look at my watch as I wait for this fucking ceremony to get over with. It feels as if time has frozen and I’m being forced to stand here, watching the woman my body starves for on a daily basis stand six feet away from me with the same bleak expression on her face.
This is just as hard for her as it is for me, and I went ahead and kissed her last night, because, like usual, I’m a selfish asshole and wasn’t thinking. I blamed it on the alcohol, but the truth is I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment she walked into the restaurant her first night back, only it took me up until last night to finally find the courage to say fuck it and see what would happen.
I’d be lying if I said a small part of me doesn’t regret a damn thing I did last night. I can’t deny I want her—more than I’ve ever wanted to fuck anyone in my life. I’m not accustomed to being told no. So hearing her tell me we can’t, only makes me want her more.
It doesn’t help that when her mouth is telling me no, her body and eyes are telling me yes, almost pleading to me to ignore what she’s saying and fuck her anyways. I’ve never been so fucking knotted up over a chick in my life.
Especially after hearing her confess in her sleep that she loves me. That alone makes it obvious she wants me, even though she’s fighting me at every advance.
It’s a vicious, vicious cycle we’re dealing with at the moment.
I definitely don’t see the pain, confusion, and pure, unadulterated lust going away anytime soon. So the only way to rectify this is to get hammered at this damn wedding reception tonight and find a good enough distraction to help me get through the next few hours.
Finally, I hear a roar of celebration and hands clapping, snapping me out of my thoughts. I glance to the side and see my father pulling Vivian to him for their first kiss as husband and wife.
Within seconds, my feet are moving towards the center of the aisle, straight towards Raven, who looks like she’s strangling the life out of her bouquet.
She gives me a forced smile as she hooks her arm with mine. It takes everything I have in me to even hold a smile as we walk up the rose petal-covered aisle towards the party tent. Even with this day being shitty as all hell, the one thing I can say is Raven looks breathtaking. Seeing her come down that aisle earlier did crazy things not only to my dick, but to my heart too.
Her strawberry blond hair is styled in a retro-style high ponytail with a rhinestone headband, and her dress is a light pink flowy strapless number that’s form-fitting around her perfect breasts then falls loosely at her knees. The entire time, I found myself fantasizing about exploring up that dress and discovering if she’s wearing any panties underneath. As quickly as the thought entered my mind though, I pushed it back out. The last thing I needed during the ceremony was everyone staring at me standing beside my dad with a raging hard-on.
I look over my shoulder and see we’re far enough away from the guests that I am free to speak and know that no one can overhear me. Leaning my head slightly towards Raven’s ear, I ask in a hushed tone, “So, how you holding up?”
Shrugging, she glances at me before turning her eyes toward the friends and family standing at their seats, clapping as they watch our parents. The couple makes their way past them before stopping at the end of the aisle to then greet everyone as they leave their seats and follow behind us toward the large tent.
In a matter of minutes, we’ll have to go into full photo opt mode, but for at least a few minutes, we can get away from it all and take a breather before the insanity begins.
“All right, I guess. I bit my tongue so hard when the reverend asked if anyone had a reason why they should not wed that I could taste blood. I wanted to stand there and tell them they couldn’t get married, because they don’t belong together—we do.” I hear her voice crack slightly, but she reels her emotions in quickly and blinks away the salty tears pooling in her eyes. Seeing her upset is like a sucker punch to my gut.
She seemed to be in good spirits earlier, as was I, but I don’t think either of us were expecting the ceremony to be so fucking hard to get through.
This is pure and utter bullshit.
I want her.
She wants me.
But sometimes life is simply too fucked up for two people who want to be together to do so.
“I had the same thought cross my mind. Life can be a real bitch. If you ask me, I think she needs to get royally fucked—then maybe she’d chill the hell out and stop making our lives so fucking complicated.”
Leading me towards the bar, Raven turns to me and says, “I need a drink. How about you?”
“Do you seriously have to ask?” she questions sarcastically.
Looks like getting plastered is on both of our agendas tonight.
The reception has been going on for two hours now. We’ve wined and dined, literally¸ since this place is a winery. There’s been more wine than I can stand at this wedding.
I’ve been the perfect son and walked around for the last hour mingling with my dad’s friends and our family members. I’ve barely seen Raven since we parted ways after finishing our dinner. We’ve both been doing circles in this place, being introduced to all of our new family.
When this night first began, I started out with beer, but it sure as hell isn’t strong enough to help me get through this party. So I’ve now moved my way up to scotch. The strong stuff is more than needed, if I’m going to survive two more hours of this bullshit.
Bryant has been glued to Raven’s hip all night. I guess he didn’t get the ‘only friends’ memo she keeps telling me about. I have no right to be jealous, but right now I’m doing everything I can to control my anger so I don’t cause a scene.