Until Series(25)

“What happened back there?” he asks, holding me down. I can’t tell him that my mom has made me a total nut case so I just press my lips together, trying harder to shove him off. I don’t want his mom to hear me scream at him that it is none of his business. “You were laughing one second and then you closed up. What happened?”

“Nothing. I just need to get Beast’s food. Now get off me,” I say, shoving at him.

“Tell me what happened. Did I hurt you?” He really looks worried.

“What?”

“When I pulled you up, did I hurt you?” he asks again, making me feel even worse.

“No, you didn’t hurt me. I’m fine now. Can you please move so I can feed my dog?” I ask, shoving him again.

“So what was it then? One minute you were rolling around on the floor with your dog, laughing. Then you looked like someone smacked you. I’m not letting you up until you tell me what happened.” I feel tears and I don’t want to cry in front of him. How can you tell someone that has an amazing mom that yours totally messed up your head?

“You wouldn’t understand,” I say because he really wouldn’t. No one could understand how it feels to have the person who is supposed to protect and guide you through life make you feel completely worthless.

“Try me,” he whispers. His hand moves from where he was holding me down to glide through the hair at my temple. I feel tears start to fall and I try to look away but he’s holding my face in his hands and bends over to kiss each eye. “Please tell me, baby,” he whisper.

I can’t help it. His voice is so soft and his warmth is all around me and I feel safe in that moment. Maybe safer than I’ve ever felt.

“My mom’s not like yours. She’s not sweet, she doesn’t hug, she doesn’t tell people that they’re beautiful, she would never make anyone coffee.” Tears are falling harder and I feel like I have sand in my throat. “I know it’s stupid, but my whole life she has made me feel bad about myself. My mom is abusive; physically, verbally, and emotionally. She has cut me down my whole life. It took me a long time to realize that what she has drilled into my head isn’t true, but those wounds are still there and they run so deep that there are times I can still feel them inside me. Even when someone makes a passing comment that anyone else would laugh at; to me, it feels like a cut.”

I realize that I have my eyes closed so I open them and see that Asher looks pissed. His whole body is tight and his teeth are clenched. I start to get scared and he must have read my face. He looks into my eyes and I feel his whole body relax. His jaw unclenches and his thumb travels over my bottom lip.

“It was what I said about you being ‘too much.’” He doesn’t ask, it’s just a statement. I nod my head because I can’t talk. “You’re beautiful when you laugh. Not too many women would get tackled to the ground by a dog, even their own, and laugh about it, definitely not in front of a man. That’s why I said you were too much. I love that you don’t care what people think and that you act like yourself around me. I’m sorry your mom is a bitch. I bet she’s jealous of you so she cut you down, hoping you would always feel inferior to her. Hopefully, we can work on filling all the marks she left,” he says softly.

His fingers wipe away my tears. I feel it down to my soul. The words he said feel true but then I remember that I can’t trust it or believe him.

“I can’t do casual,” I blurt out. I want to cover my face or go hide in the bathroom. Instead, I close my eyes. His body is shaking, so I open my eyes and he’s laughing. “What’s funny?” I ask, irritated.

“Do you think I would try that with you, knowing that your dad, uncle, and cousins would come to kick my ass if I wanted something casual?” he asks, searching my face.

“Uh…” That never crossed my mind.

“This isn’t casual. Christ!” He growls. “You’ve met my brothers, mom, dad, and grandma. No woman I’ve ever dated has met my whole family. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you in the club, hanging on your dad. That’s why I was pissed when I caught you outside. Then when I saw you with my grandmother, I knew I was fucked. She’d been talking about you for weeks, telling me that I need to meet this girl that’s so beautiful and sweet. She told me that she just moved into town and I should ask her out before someone else did. She was right. I realized yesterday that I needed to stake my claim before some stupid fuck got to you. That’s why I did what you called ‘kidnapping.’ I like to call that ‘securing my future.’ We’re going to see where this goes, November, and while we’re doing that, it’s not going to be casual.”