“I know I fucked up.” I shake my head. “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I mean, no, I didn’t know about Lil being pregnant, but I thought I was protecting her at the time. I didn’t want her to have to deal with what I was going through.”
“I get that. But now think of it this way: Lilly says you have a big family, right?”
“I do.”
“She has me and her mom.” My gut tightens. I still hate myself for what I had unknowingly put her through. Okay, so I don’t want to kill Austin anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I want them alone together. “You’re smart,” Mr. Donovan says and smiles, reading the look on my face. “Now, go apologize; it works every time. It’s best you learn that real quick-like.” He pats my back again before reaching in to the SUV, grabbing two of our suitcases, and walking towards the house. I grab the other two bags out of the trunk before slamming the trunk, following behind him.
I find the kids and make sure they are okay before going in search of Lilly. I find her upstairs in a bedroom at the end of a hall, her back facing me. She is putting away the stuff from the bags her dad brought in, into a long dresser. “You need help?” I ask, walking farther into the room. Her body goes ridged, and I can hear her sigh.
“No. The kids are down the hall. Do you want to check on them?”
“The kids are fine; I just checked on them. I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to talk to you,” she says low, her head shaking back and forth in agitation.
“Lil.”
“Don’t ‘Lil’ me.” Her eyes finally meet mine, and she points at me. “I have accepted your past since the beginning of our relationship. I accepted who you were the first time we were together, and I more than accepted you this time around. What did you think, Cash, that you were the only person I would ever be with?” she asks, and I can hear the anger in her words. Each one cutting through me.
“That’s not what I was saying,” I say, taking another step towards her.
“You know, you’re right. You broke me. I couldn’t be with anyone else. Austin is a great guy—sweet, considerate, loving, and handsome—but I couldn’t be with him, no matter how many times I tried, no matter how much I liked him. He wasn’t you. No one was ever you.” As much as it kills to think of her trying to be with anyone, I understand. I see tears in her eyes, and I’m done with the space separating us. Walking towards her, I quickly pull her to me, not giving her a chance to argue.
“I’m sorry.” I breathe her in, the smell of lavender comforting me. “It was a shit thing to ask you.” I rub her back. “I love you, Lil. I just…shit…I just hate the idea of you with anyone else.” I take a breath; I can still tell that she’s crying. “Please don’t cry because I’m an idiot,” I say gently.
“You are an idiot,” she says. I can feel her cheek move against my chest and I know she’s smiling.
“As long as I’m your idiot, I couldn’t care less.” Her head tilts back, her glassy eyes meeting mine.
“You know, you make it really hard to be mad at you,” she says, studying my face.
“I’m not going to complain about that. It seems to be working in my favor.” She shakes her head before dropping her forehead to my chest.
“I hope you know that I will be meeting Austin when he comes back in from his fishing trip,” she tells me and I take a breath, not wanting to say the wrong thing, but not wanting her to meet up with a man that she obviously cares about.
“Can I come with you when you meet up with him?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You have to trust me, Cash. Austin and I are friends, nothing more.” Her arms wrap around my waist. “But that doesn’t mean that feelings were not there, and Austin was hurt in the past and I want to make sure he’s doing okay.”
“I don’t like it,” I whisper into her hair before kissing the top of her head.
“I know, but it’s something I have to do.” She gives me a squeeze, trying to offer me comfort.
“I trust you,” I say, and it’s the truth.
“Thank you,” she replies quietly, but I can hear in those two words how much I just gave to her. My hand goes to the back of her neck before traveling to her jaw so I can tilt her head back.
“I know what’s in front of me, Lil. I know exactly what I have, so when I feel like it’s being threatened, the first thing I want to do is lash out and kill anything that may come in and jeopardize it. I know what we had before, and I know what we have now. And I will always do everything within my power to protect it.