“I already know you got married, so even without you answering that question, I still know.” I see pain flash across her face. “I didn’t want to believe that what we had could be so easily replaced. I thought I had done something wrong, and you were upset. I thought you loved me. I was depressed and lonely, so I did a search of your name online, planning to come find you, and came across your wedding announcement.”
“What the fuck?”
“Yeah, that is kinda how I felt.” She gives a slight laugh, the kind that isn’t humorous.
“I am so sorry; you will never be on your own again,” I tell her, taking a step towards her because I want to hold her. She takes a step back, shaking her head.
“We can figure out a way for you to be in Ashlyn’s life, but only if you plan on sticking around. I will not let her become attached to you, only to have you walk away without an explanation.”
“I would never do that.” I narrow my eyes and she raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You are the one who taught me the meaning of never say never, remember?” she reminds me. I told her that when we first got together. She told me she wouldn’t sleep with me ever, and I told her never say never. We only slept together one time. That one time had made me fall more in love with her than I already was. The day after, I had to come back home and go to work. I never knew that it would be the last time I would see Lilly. I knew then that she was the one for me, even as young as I was. I knew, and in the end I tossed her away, thinking I was doing the right thing, not knowing how sharp the double-edged sword was that I held in my hand.
We both stand there staring at each other. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I’m thinking I want to kiss the fuck out of her, hold her, love her, and remind her of how good we were together. She looks away, then waves for Ashlyn to come to her. I watch my daughter bounce all the way over to where we’re standing. She is so beautiful that my chest hurts just looking at her. I have loved every second of raising my son, and I hate that I have missed so much time with her. Jax comes along with Ashlyn. When she reaches where we’re standing, her head goes way back, with her cute little face scrunching up.
“Are you my daddy?”
“No, he’s my daddy.” Jax launches himself at me. Ashlyn looks at Jax, and then me. I drop to my knees in front of her, putting my arm around Jax’s waist. I have no idea how to handle this right now, and my stomach starts to turn as my palms begin to sweat.
“Come here, love bug.” Lilly pulls Ashlyn into her arms.
“Daddy.” Jax puts his palm on my cheek, forcing my head to turn. “Why did that girl ask if you’re her daddy?” Leave it to my kid to get right to the point.
“Well…um.” Fuck, why couldn’t I think of what to say?
“What’s your name, honey?” Lilly asks. I look up to see Ashlyn in her arms looking down at us.
“Jax.” Lilly smiles so brightly her whole face lights up. I forgot that smile. How the fuck did I forget that smile?
“Very cool name.” Jax’s chest puffs out under her praise.
“I’m going to be big like my daddy,” he informs her randomly.
“I’m sure you are, honey.” Lilly smiles again. “How would you feel about having a playdate with Ashlyn sometime?” Jax shrugs. I look at Ashlyn who smiles. “Sure, she could come to my house. I have a ferret and a tree house!”
“I’m sure she would like that. Though, I’m not sure what a ferret is.” Jax laughs and so does Ashlyn. I can’t believe how much they look alike. “I’m going to get your dad’s number, and we can set up a time.”
“Yay!” Jax yells, jumping up and down.
“Will you do me a favor, Jax?” He nods. “Take Ashlyn over to get her shoes while I get your dad’s number, okay?”
“Okay,” he agrees right away. Lilly sets Ashlyn down. She hasn’t taken her eyes off me. Jax takes her hand, pulling her along. I watch as she shows him where her shoes are. They are too high for her to reach, so he gets them for her, and then runs and grabs his before sitting next to her on the ground.
“I think it’s best if we talk to them separately about what’s going on. Jax is going to be very confused about this, and Ashlyn isn’t going to be much better. She knows of you, but doesn’t know you. I think we should set up a time for you to come alone and spend some time with her. Then bring Jax along later so they can get to know each other.”
“Why are you acting so cool about all of this?”