“Um…” I bite my lip and look up at him again. “Do you like small dogs or something?” Every dog he’s stopped to look at has been small.
He shrugs, looking around. “No, I just thought that girls liked small dogs.”
“Trevor, I don’t need a dog right now. I need to find another apartment; even then, I don’t know if I will be allowed to have a dog.”
“First of all, it will be our dog; second of all, you don’t need to find an apartment; you’re staying at Mike’s until you’re ready to move in with me.” All the air in my lungs pushes out. I look at Trevor and he is looking around like he didn’t just tell me that we were going to be living together. Instead, he looks like he just told me what kind of coffee he prefers. “What about him?” he asks, dragging me behind him. My legs are like jelly; I still haven’t taken a breath. I feel lightheaded. When did this relationship start moving at the speed of light? I stumble behind him, my legs taking a second to catch up with me. When we stop, I was looking the opposite direction of him. My eyes land on a giant black dog, and when our eyes meet, its head tilts to the side. I follow and do the same head tilt. We stare at each other for a few seconds before it puts one giant paw up on the door of its cage. I lift my hand, walking towards the dog. When it whines, I know it is the one. I hadn’t even wanted a dog, but know that this guy, or girl, is mine.
“Hi,” I say, walking over to the cage. On the door is some information about the animal. I see that it’s a girl, and they don’t know how old she is, just that someone found her on the side of the road and brought her in. The information packet explains that she’s very friendly, and she seems to be house trained. I squat down in front of her, pressing my hand flat against the cage. Her paw comes up to my hand, and then her wet nose presses against my skin. I put my fingers through the chain link to give her a scratch. “You’re a sweet girl, aren’t you?” I look at Trevor, who has squatted next to me. He doesn’t look too sure about her, but I am; if he doesn’t want her, I’m going to call Mike and see if he will allow me to have a dog. I grab Trevor’s hand and put it against the chain link; she smells him, then licks his palm. “She likes you.”
“So she’s the one, huh?” he asks, looking around at all the other cages. I start to do the same thing, when she whines, pawing the door of the cage. I laugh, sticking my fingers back through to her.
“She’s perfect, don’t you think?” His eyes meet mine, and there is such warmth there, that I hold my breath.
“Yeah, she’s perfect.” He leans forward to kiss me, and then pulls me up to stand with him. “What do you want to name her?” He looks at the card, and then back at me.
“Lolly?” I say, and she barks, making me laugh again.
“Well, let’s go sign the paperwork so we can get Lolly home.” We walk towards the front of the kennel, out the metal doors, and up towards reception.
“Did y’all see one ya liked?” the lady behind the counter asks, smiling. She has on a pair of bright blue scrubs with puppies playing soccer on them. Her nametag says her name is Mabel, and with her white hair pulled back in a loose bun, she looks like a typical southern grandma.
“The Rottweiler in cage seventeen,” Trevor tells her.
“Aw, she’s so sweet. I took her home with me last weekend and she was so good with my grandbabies! You two got any kids?” she asks, looking between us. I started to say no.
“Not yet,” Trevor says, putting his arm around my waist, his thumb hooking on the inside of my jeans. I know I’m completely stiff; I don’t want kids. I told Trevor that the other day when he asked me if I wanted children. Apparently, he only hears what he wants.
“You two will sure make some pretty babies.” I can feel my hands start to sweat at her comment. I love kids, but every time I even think about having my own, I feel panicked. I’m not so delusional that I don’t know exactly where my anxiety comes from. My dad died when I was young. I was abandoned, and don’t want to have a kid and do the same thing to them. Will I get over it one day? I don’t know; but right now, the thought of having children makes me feel nauseous.
I grab the paperwork from her and go to sit down in one of the chairs, trying to get my thoughts back under control. When Trevor comes over to sit down, he looks me over, then leans in like he’s going to kiss me. I lean back; maybe it’s petty, but he needs to hear me and what I’m saying, not whatever he has made up in his head. “I told you the other day that I don’t want kids. That’s not something that is going to change.”