Until Lilly(12)

“You had to have a glass of wine? And you spilt it all over your phone?” he asks.

“Um…yes. I definitely had to have a glass of wine,” I tell him truthfully, ignoring the part about spilling my wine. I have always been clumsy. “There is only so much stress a girl can take. And it’s either wine or shopping, and since I am a single mother and can’t afford to shop my stress away, I had to have a glass of wine.” I realize I’m rambling and squeeze my eyes closed, my head falling back and hitting the wall. I hear him laughing; my eyes fly open and I remember that he used to always laugh at everything I said. In Alaska, I’d hated that I still loved the memory of the sound of his laughter; part of me still wants to hate him, but I just can’t.

“You still there?”

“What?”

“I thought the call dropped.”

“Oh no, it didn’t,” I say like an idiot; obviously, he knows the call didn’t drop.

“So I…” He pauses, and I can picture him running his hand through his hair the way he always used to when he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to say it. “I talked to my mom, and she will watch Jax tomorrow so I can come up and see you and Ashlyn.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I have the weekend off, so we will be home.”

“Okay, good,” he says, and I can hear the nervousness in his voice. “Did you talk to her?”

“No, I will. It’s just she fell asleep in the car.”

“Yeah, Jax fell asleep too,” he sighs.

“This is really awkward,” I laugh.

“Tell me about it.” I have the urge to ask him about his wife, but can’t spit the words out. The thought of him married makes me ill. Why did he still have to be so gorgeous? With his overgrown dark hair, crystal-clear blue eyes, tan skin, strong jaw, his height and body—geez, his body is as perfect as I remember—wearing dark jeans that fit just right, and a red t-shirt that was so tight I could see everything. “So I was thinking that I would come up around ten; does that work for you?”

“What?” I hear the words, but they don’t register for a second because I am stuck in a daydream about his body. Maybe it’s time to start dating.

“Ten in the morning…does that work for you?” I can hear the smile in his voice, and I shake myself out of my daydream.

“Yeah, sure. Ten is fine.”

“Good, I told Ashlyn I would talk to her tonight before she goes to bed. Can you have her call me when she wakes up from her nap?”

“Yeah, no problem.” I close my eyes.

“I am glad you don’t hate me,” he whispers, the words sounding pained. My eyes open.

“I want to.” I really do. I want to rage and scream and cry, but I just can’t. I feel like this isn’t really happening.

“I have a lot to explain. I just…damn, this situation is completely fucked up.”

“Look, we will just talk tomorrow or whenever. I will have Ashlyn call you tonight. I just…I just need to know that you plan on sticking around; otherwise, I won’t put her through this.”

“I told you already I won’t change my mind. I have already missed out on way too much.”

“All right, so let me give you my address.” I rattle it off to him quickly. “See you tomorrow,” I say, and before he can say anything more, I hang up. I pull the phone from my ear and it starts ringing again right away; this time my mom’s number is flashing across the screen.#p#分页标题#e#

“Hey, Mom.” I try to sound cheerful.

“What’s wrong?” Dammit, I didn’t want to have to tell her this. I moved home shortly after I had Ashlyn. I tried to make it on my own, but with a new baby, school, a job, and an apartment, it was just too difficult. My dad was ready to fly down and kill Cash, and my mom wasn’t much better.

“IranintoAshlyn’sdadtoday,andshewaswithme,” I say as quickly as verbally possible.

“You what?” she screeches.

“Oh, God, Mom, I don’t know. I took Ashlyn to the place she likes with all the trampolines and he was there with his son. I tried to leave and he stopped me. He knew right away that Ashlyn was his, and I swear, Mom, I swear he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about when I told him about the messages.”

“You need to come home.”

“Mom,” I sigh, sitting down on the couch.

“Honey, that prick told you to get rid of my granddaughter. He doesn’t get to come in now, filling your head with a bunch of bull-hocky, making you believe that he never told you those things.”