Until Harry(63)

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to be formal . . . not about this.

“I saw his picture on his headstone . . . He was adorable,” I whispered, my eyes still closed. “He had your nose and lips; he even had your tiny birthmark on his neck.”

Kale’s breathing picked up, and I hated myself.

I opened my eyes but kept them downcast. “I’m sorry, Kale. I’m making everything worse. I’ll go and finish packing—”

I turned to walk into the bathroom, but Kale shot across the room and grabbed hold of my arm. “No.”

I turned my head and looked at him. “No, what?”

He stared at me with his puppy-dog hazel eyes. “Don’t leave. I’m not mad at you; I was just remembering my son. You would have loved him. He was the most perfect being I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, Lane. He was . . . everything.”

A sad smile curved my lips. “I’ve no doubt. He was your son, Kale. He wouldn’t be anything less than perfect.”

“You think he looked like me?” he asked, surprised. “I think he looked more like his mum.”

I smiled brightly. “Men always see the beauty of the mother in their children’s faces. He was the perfect mix of you both. You and Drew created someone astonishing.”

Kale’s eyes bored into mine. “Thank you.”

I nodded. “My pleasure.”

“Do you want to see a video of him?” he suddenly asked, his eyes alive with pride. “I have loads of videos, and pictures of him too.”

“Like you even have to ask,” I beamed. “Gimme.”

Kale smiled at me and quickly dug out his phone from his pocket. “I only have a few videos and pictures on my phone, but I’ve loads more backed up onto flash drives and storage sites that I can show you if you want.”

A daddy protecting the physical memories of his pride and joy. It hurt me that memories were all he had.

“I’ve got time to see every second of him, Kale,” I assured him.

He did something that shocked me then: he reached out and put his arms around me, and pulled my body into his. It wasn’t a hug of sorrow and sadness like the ones he’d given me over the past couple of days; it was a hug of promise. A promise of what I didn’t know, but whatever it was, I felt it in my bones.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said into my hair.

It took me a second, but I lifted my arms and put them around his body and squeezed him. “I’ve missed you too, Kale, more than you know.”

We stayed like that, hugging one another until Kale stepped back and stared down at me. “I know this might sound stupid, but I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said with a shake of his head. “When I first saw you on Friday in the parlour, I wanted to be the one to touch you instead of your dad, just so I could see if you were real. I’ve dreamt so many times about you being back here, I wasn’t sure if I was just seeing things.”

His admission stunned me.

“Kale,” I whispered.

“It’s dumb,” he blurted out, flushing slightly. “I know—”

“It’s not dumb,” I interrupted. “When I’m in my apartment in New York and I’m falling asleep at night, I hear your voice in my head. Sometimes it keeps me awake because I miss you so much.”

I wasn’t embarrassed to admit something so private; it felt right to tell him.

Kale swallowed. “You’re still my best friend.”

“I know, pup, and you’re mine.”

He looked away from me. “I can’t believe how our lives have turned out. Everything is so different from when we were kids.”

I sighed. “Tell me about it. I’ve wished for a time machine many a time to go back and change some things.”

Kale looked back at me then. “What do you want to change about your past?”

It was my turn to look away then. “You said you didn’t want to have that conversation here.”

He cleared his throat. “I don’t . . . sorry, I guess I’m just using every second I can to talk to you, and I’m saying the first thing that pops into my head.”

I looked back to him, reached out and pressed my hand against his arm. “I know this will be hard to believe considering I’ve bolted before, but I’m not running away. I’m going to stay right here in York and make things right with my family, and with you, before I even think about anything else. Harry would’ve wanted that.”

He would have. He had told me enough times over the years.

“What about you?” Kale promptly asked. “What do you want?”

“A lot of things,” I replied, my heart heavy.