Unsuitable(29)

The Jesse I knew was always up and out of bed early. And he loved taking baths.

I’ve missed so many changes in his life.

Tim walks down the short hallway. Stopping at a door, he opens it. “Jesse…Daisy’s here.”

I follow inside behind Tim.

And there he is, the sole reason I get out of bed every morning.

Love floods me. Tears prick my eyes. I feel like I’ve been smothered in happiness and punched in the chest with a fistful of pain, all at the same time.

The boy I knew looks like a young man. Even sitting, I can see how tall he is. His legs are so long. And he looks so much like Dad. He must have grown about two feet in the last eighteen months.

His hair is different. He always liked to wear his hair short. But, now, his dark brown hair is all grown out, curling around his ears. His jeans are black with a chain fixed on the pocket, linking to his belt that has a skull on the front of it. His T-shirt is black with a band on the front that I’m not familiar with. He looks a world away from the boy I left.

And the way he’s looking at me…

It’s the exact same way he looked at me the last time I saw him.

Hurt mixed with disappointment. And loss. So much loss.

Pain curls like a fist around my heart and squeezes tight.

Jesse sits forward in his seat, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Hi,” I say softly, my voice not offering much.

He stares blankly at me.

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll make us a drink. Tea or coffee? Or something cold?” Tim asks me.

Taking a seat across from Jesse, I answer Tim, “Coffee would be great. Thanks.”

“Jesse?” Tim asks.

Jesse doesn’t answer. He just shakes his head.

“Right. Well, I won’t be long.”

I watch Tim leave the room.

When I look back, Jesse is still staring at me.

The tension in the air is unnerving.

It makes me sick to my stomach to know the size of the wedge between us.

This is a kid who would talk nonstop to me. A kid who I could sit in perfect silence with and always feel at ease.

Now, it’s almost like sitting with a stranger.

But a stranger I love very much.

My mouth is dry, so I lick my lips before speaking, “You look…so grown-up.”

I watch as his eyes shut down. Shutting me out.

He’s looking at me like Kas looks at me.

Like he hates me.

Pain spikes me in the gut.

“Yeah, well, it’s been eighteen months. I’m not just gonna stop growing ’cause you haven’t been around.”

“I know. I’m sorry—”

“Save it ’cause I don’t want to hear it.” He turns his face away, looking in the direction of the TV. Leaning back, he stretches his long legs out, folding his arms over his chest.

I fight back the tears burning my eyes and take a deep breath. “So…how have you been?” I ask.

He sighs and drags his eyes from the TV and back to me. “You want to make small talk, Daisy? Really?”

Daisy. He always called me Mayday.

Another spike of pain hits me—this time, in the chest. I rub at the ache. “I just want to talk to you, Jesse.”

“Okay, let’s talk.” He swivels around in his seat, hands pressed to his thighs. He looks like he’s roaring for a fight. “How was your time in prison? You learn any new tricks? How long you staying around for? Or should I expect another visit from the cops sometime soon, telling me that you’re going back inside?”

“I-I’m not going back, Jesse. I’m here to stay.”

He lets out a bitter laugh. It hurts to hear.

“Like Mum and Dad?”

“Jesse, please…I’m not like them. You know this. Deep down, you know this. I’ve missed you so much. I just want—”

“I don’t give a shit what you want!” he yells, jumping to his feet. “As far as I’m concerned, you don’t exist anymore!”

Pain punches me square in the chest. I push to my feet. “Jesse, please. Y-you don’t mean that.”

He laughs bitterly. “Yeah, I do.”

“So, why see me today? Why let me come?”

He steps closer. “So, I could do to you what you did to me. You left me, Daisy. You fucking left me on my own. And, now, I’m leaving you. I never want to see you again. Do you hear me? As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a sister. You’re as dead to me as Mum and Dad are.”

I feel like I’ve been shot.

Tears fill my eyes. I can’t help them or stop them from running down my cheeks.

Regret flickers in his eyes, but he quickly shuts it down. “I want you to leave.” His voice is low.

“Je-Jesse, please.” I press the heels of my hands to my cheeks to ebb the flow of tears.