And I thought I would probably fuck it up.
I started to panic, thinking I’d made a mistake, before rationality decided to make an appearance.
Look at everything I’d done…overcome. I could run a fucking coffee shop.
I could do it.
So, I got Cece’s laptop out and went searching for business management courses. I found one at my local college. The classes were at night, so it was perfect.
I enrolled and was accepted.
Then, I focused on making the shop mine. I gave the place a lick of paint and put my own stamp on it, and then I renamed the coffee shop to Thessa’s. It felt right to call it that. It was because of Kas that my name was cleared. He was the reason I could afford the place.
And I just wanted something of his, some connection to him, to remind myself that he was real. Because, sometimes, it felt almost unreal. Like Kas had never actually existed. Like he’d never really been mine.
But he had.
I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.
Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.
And I did.
Kind of.
But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.
After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.
Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.
Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.
It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.
She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.
He’s cute.
He’s just kind of…pretentious.
But I think she could do better.
Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.
So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.
But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.
I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.
But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.
I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.
But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.
So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.
My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.
Even though he just left me for university.
I’m not going to cry again.
I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.
My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.
When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.
Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.
But he’s gone.
He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.
I wonder if he’s happy.
I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.
I just wish we could have been happy together.
My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.
“Missing me already?”
Jesse’s laugh echoes down the line. “Just checking to make sure you’re not still bawling your eyes out.”
“I did not bawl.”
“There was snot on my T-shirt from where you’d blubbered on me.”
“Oh God.” I wince. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m just teasing. It’s nice to know you’re gonna miss me. I just hate to see you cry and know I’m the reason for it.”
“They were happy tears and sad tears and proud tears. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m incredibly proud of you, Jesse, for getting into university. You’re going to get your degree and become a lawyer. God, I cannot wait until the day I see you in your cap and gown, up on that stage, receiving your degree.”
“I haven’t even started my courses yet”—he laughs—“and you’ve already got me graduated.”