Unraveled(93)

The next conversation was with Tucker, and that was going to be a hundred times more difficult.

I’d texted Tucker the night before, asking him to meet me for lunch. He’d told me to come by the shop. I’d picked up his favorite sandwich—apple and ham on a hoagie—and two cups of fresh-squeezed orange juice. His hair was messed up and he smelled of fresh sweat. Sometimes Tucker's smell had confused me because it was so close to Will's, but now I realized it was the smell of a friend. A good friend and one that I'd miss.

He gave me a wary glance but said nothing as I spread out the goods on one of the silver tool trays.

"You'll have to wash this when we're done," I teased gently. "No one wants sandwich crumbs in their tattoo."

Tucker shrugged and ate half the hoagie in one bite. "Maybe it will be a new thing. Like food tattoos instead of a memorial one."

I made a face. Memorial tattoos were made by tattooing ashes of people’s loved ones into their skin.

"What's so important that it couldn’t wait?”

“I’m leaving for San Diego today,” I admitted.

Tucker took a deep breath and gripped the edges of the tray between us. "Sam, I never told you this because the time wasn't right—” Tucker began. I held up my hand and gave him a sad smile.

"Don't say it, Tucker.”

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Maybe I don't, but I want you to know that I love you like the brother I never had and I hope you'll always feel the same way toward me," I replied. Tucker looked at me and then glanced down. I blinked away a few tears that had crept into my eyes. "Don't say anything that would mar that," I whispered. I did love Tucker, and I always would, but he was Will's brother and mine too. I'd never view him any other way, and it broke my heart that I had to hurt him.

"So Gray, huh?" Tucker was fiddling with the food and refusing to look at me.

"Yes, it'll be Gray for as long as he'll have me."

"Being a soldier isn't very safe."

I didn't take the time to correct his use of “soldier.” I responded, "Gray loves it. It's in his blood. If he stayed here, part of him would shrivel up. He'd suck it up and he'd fill those spaces, but he wouldn't be the same Gray that I love."

"It's not real love if he resents you for decisions he made for himself," Tucker argued.

"Maybe not, but I have real love for Gray which means letting him go pursue his dreams."

"I don't want to lose you.” Tucker was still avoiding my eyes. This time the tears wouldn't be stemmed by a few blinks. I let them roll out because they were part of the process of saying goodbye as much as the words.

"I'll always be part of the Anderson family for as long as you all will have me."

Tucker breathed through his nose and grabbed me. "We'll always want you."

I hugged him tight, this man who would always be a brother in my heart even though the line that connected us was broken.

His hands clutched me, and for a moment, I reveled in the embrace, remembering what it was like to be with Will. But I pulled away from his arms and he reluctantly let me go. I dug into my pocket and pulled out the gold-and-diamond solitaire ring that had sat on my left finger for over two years. Tucker gasped when I held it out to him and backed away. His hands came up as if to ward me off.

"No way, no fucking way. That is yours.” He glared at me.

"No, Tuck, this is your mother’s. She gave this to Will, and yeah, she got a beautiful ring in exchange from your dad, but this belongs in the Anderson family. Not with me. Not anymore." I advanced on him, and Tucker turned away. I could see he was struggling with this but I pried open his hand and place the ring inside of it.

It wasn't the loss of me that he was struggling with. I'd become Will's avatar to his family and his friends. Through me, Will was still alive in some small measure. But that was over now. It had taken me a long time to come to terms with this, but it was time to move on.



MY ENTIRE FAMILY DROVE ME to the airport. Bitsy held my hand in the backseat the entire drive. Hugs were given all around and everyone was teary. It was like I wasn't ever going to come back.

"I might be back before the week is out," I joked weakly.

"Nah, as many times as he's texted, he won't let you out of his sight for a good month,” Mom said.

“You’ll have to come back and visit soon. It seems like I just got off the plane.” This was from my dad.

"Love you." I gave them all another round of hugs. I’d return soon, for a visit.

And then I was off. The flight to San Diego required a stop in Denver, where I considered for the hundredth time texting Gray. But I didn't want to text him. I wanted to explain to him face to face why I was taking a chance on him, and I wanted to read every emotion on his face so I could reassure myself it was the right decision.