Unraveled(85)

I love you.

As July wound down, I started to prepare for classes at Central. When I thought about the fantasies I’d cooked up about Gray and me together on campus, my heart ached so much I actually had to rub my chest, but no amount of medicine was going to ease the pain. I attended two more painful lunches with Carolyn and David. Tucker came to both; he had been extra nice since the Gray incident. I was just glad he’d never brought it up.

When classes started, none of them interested me. I was both bored and extremely busy. Eighteen credit hours were too many for me, even though I’d quit bartending. Making friends with eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds was painful. The seniors were the only people my age, but I didn’t have anything in common with them either. Rather than go drinking with them, I would find myself down at Gatsby’s where Eve still worked. Sometimes I’d see AnnMarie or Grace or Bo or Noah around campus, but I avoided them as much as possible. I didn’t want to be around reminders of Gray.

I missed him though, so much. I missed his body next to mine. I missed his smell. I missed just talking to him. I’d never really given him a chance to explain and the distance from it all made me reflect on how maybe I couldn’t believe everything Ethan Drake had said to me. After all, he threatened to lie about what had happened between us, which had been a big old nothing up until I hit him and he returned the favor. But whenever I got to that point, I remembered Gray apologizing so profusely. What did he have to apologize for if he hadn’t meant to test me? That was a question that would only be answered if I talked to him.

And as every day passed and I ached all over for him, I could feel my defenses weakening and lowering. His persistent contact in spite of my stubborn silence made my insides mush. I started looking forward to his texts and wished he’d message me more often. Like five or ten times a day. By the end of the third week of classes, I’d made up my mind.

“He's texted me again,” I told Eve. “He has since I got back from London. Every night, two texts for over two months.” I was a little awed by his dedication.

“What do they say? Like sexy stuff or I miss you stuff? Or I’m a huge dickhead and I’m sorry stuff.”

I nodded. “All of it but mostly everyday texts. Today I received ‘Hey got caught about two steps from commissary during colors. Sux.’” I read it off my phone, then I tucked it away and played with the beer Eve had served me an hour ago. It was warm and tasted horrible.

“What's that mean?”

“If you're outside and they play this particular song, you can't move. You have to stand at attention, but if you're indoors then you can move about.”

“So like Simon Says, only military style.”

“Kind of. What do you think it means?”

“That the military likes to play games?”

“No, not colors, the texting,” I said impatiently.

“Dunno. He's weird, remember? We told you to stay away from him.”

“No, you told me to pursue him and then you high fived me after I told you I'd experienced the whole head-thrown-back, screaming orgasm thing, then you told me to stay away from him."

“Yeah I guess I did say all that, but I've always maintained he was weird. Your dates were like out of a Field & Stream magazine. Hunting, fishing?”

“Don’t forget the skydiving.”

“Yeah, the one date that ended with a near-death experience followed by a run in with a druggie who called you names and hit you.”

“I think I share too much with you,” I muttered.

"He’s a rebound guy. It’s easy to get over them.” Eve hummed “Summer Lovin’.”

"I don’t think I can. I love him," I admitted. Tears were forming and I picked up the soggy beverage napkin to dab them away.

Her humming stopped short. "No."

"Yes."

"You're crazy. He's your rebound guy. Now you can hook up with someone more permanent!” she cried.

"Why does he have to be the rebound guy?"

"Because that's how it works. You always have one person in between relationships who hits the reset button."

"The reset button on what? My feelings? My vagina? I think after two years I've been officially reset."

Eve looked at me uncertainly for a moment and then rallied. “I’ve got this great guy—” I waved her off.

“I think I’m a one man kind of girl. I know what it feels like to be in true love. It’s not just the longing for a body next to you, but his particular body. It’s his smell and his touch you miss. It’s his laughter and his sense of adventure.”

"So you're just going to go back to him after he did that totally douchebag move?"