“WHAT ARE WE GOING TO do?” I asked after we’d climbed into the Rover.
“What do you think?”
"Sky diving?” I still wanted to do that, and I figured Gray was the perfect person to take me up and push me out of a plane.
"That's not really very dangerous," he scoffed.
"It looks dangerous. Will liked it."
"Everything Will liked was dangerous?"
"It seemed that way."
"Like you?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I'm very dangerous."
Gray reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind my neck. "The fact that you don't know makes you all the more lethal.”
Embarrassed, I looked out the windshield. "I once got sick on a Ferris wheel."
Gray leaned against the corner of the car door and seat, settling in. "I can't wait to hear this."
"Our senior year, Will and a bunch of us went to Six Flags for senior skip day. We rode the Ferris wheel at the end of the day and the park looked beautiful at night." I swiped some stray hairs out of my eyes. "Will was anxious to leave for Basic. The closer it got to graduation and his leaving, the more frustrated he was. He and his friend, Trevor, started throwing a ball at each other. Trevor and his girlfriend were in the car in front of us. When our car was resting on the top, Will started crawling out of the car. He said he wanted to stand up on the rail. The operator saw him and started screaming at us. I begged Will to get inside and he did. When we got off the Ferris wheel, I threw up. I think it was from fear.”
A sweatshirt landed on my lap. I hadn’t even realized I was shivering. I could have just turned down the air conditioning but at the next stop light, I slipped it on and was immediately surrounded by the soft cotton and the smell—the spicy, ocean smell I’d come to associate with Gray. He directed me east of town toward the large expanse of land that was a farm back in the day but now held a small but functional airfield. Off in the distance I could see the major city airport. I swung into the small parking lot but made no move to get out of the Rover.
“Um, really?” I’d talked a big game about wanting to do this but now faced with the prospects I was frightened.
"If you don't want to go up, we won't," Gray said.
“But I did want to do something adventurous…” I leaned forward and looked at the small plane with the large side doors. Could I really jump out of it?
"Not all daring things occur up in the air. We could go whitewater rafting. Maybe play paintball. We could take a motorcycle out on the track." Gray shook my arm to get my attention. "You tell me what you want to do."
"I want to go up," I said truthfully.
"Okay, but if you feel uneasy at any time, let me know. I don't want to do things that scare you." I glanced at his fingers, which circled my wrist. I loved his hands. There were callouses on the palm and white scar marks on the backs. When I looked at them I felt safe, and when he put them on me, I felt excited. Those were good hands.
"I'll tell you if I'm scared,” I said quietly.
He gave me a sideways smile, the one where only the left corner of his mouth rose. I was beginning to recognize that it meant he was not quite ready to tell me something but if I waited long enough it’d come out. We were getting to know each other in a lot of ways and that was about as scary and exciting as jumping out of a plane. When we were walking from the parking lot to the office, Gray’s hand caught mine and he didn’t let it go even after we’d signed our releases. We sat in the waiting room for the pilot and other jumpers to arrive. The plane could hold eight parachuters and there would be five today. Gray and me, an instructor named Jerry and two experienced jumpers.
Gray’s finger rubbed over the empty spot where my ring used to sit. The skin was still paler than the rest of my finger, but he’d never said a word. Just like he never said anything the first time I took him to my condo other than to ask me where the bedroom was. I pointed up the steps, and he carried me up to the loft and made love to me, tender and sweet.
“Tell me the truth. Is this the scariest thing I’ll ever do?”
He shook his head. "Nah, I wouldn’t bring you if I thought you would hate it. But you’ve mentioned it a few times. The jump is about the descent. The free fall and the wind and the ground rushing up to meet you."
"Sounds terrifying."
"It's not really. Or if it is, the adrenaline is the product of a mind fake. You've got the parachute. If you were free falling without the parachute then I think the main feeling would be terror instead of exhilaration."
"But you like the rush, right? The excitement."