Unraveled(54)

He made me feel young and excited, and I loved those feelings. They were better than sitting around my virginal bedroom wondering why I should get out of bed the next day. I found myself excited to get up. I was looking forward to his return, and I didn’t care if he had another adventure planned. I just wanted to spend time together.

During the week, I spent more time with Bitsy and realized how much I missed her company. Her crush on Tucker worried me. And Tucker worried me, with his strained relationship with his parents. They needed each other, or at least Carolyn and Tucker needed each other. I wasn’t sure if Will's dad needed anything but golf and Scotch.

On the day before Gray came back from his trip, I packed Will’s things away—all but the flag. If I was going to make room in my life for another person, then his Army assault pack and combat boots needed to be boxed up. Will was still taking up a lot of space in my mind and my condo. And it was time to let him go. All those future plans I had made with Will weren't ever going to come true. Not the two kids we talked about having, or the dogs. Not the places we were going to see or the trips we were going to take.

None of those things were going to happen now—and I couldn't foresee a future that I spent alone. I didn't want that, and I knew Will wouldn't have wanted that for me. He was always so full of life and the fact that I'd spent the last two years wandering around in the wilderness of my mind would have pissed him off. I didn't know if he would have wanted me to take up with another military guy. He might be saying right now that I should be looking for an accountant or—no, he would have wanted me to take those adventures. He'd have been proud of me, I think. Silent, hot tears started rolling down my face, but they weren't really tears of sadness. They were tears nonetheless—and I cried about all the things that I'd felt for Will. I was sorry to let him go, but it was time.



GRAY HAD CALLED ME THE evening they’d gotten home. I could hear the weariness in his voice.

“Hey, missed you,” were the first words out of his mouth.

It was easy to return the sentiment. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too. I’m bushed from the ride. Don’t know why that wears me out, but it does. Can I take you somewhere tomorrow?”

“Can’t wait.”

And now we were together.

"I don't get it," I said finally. Gray was lying in the canoe, hat over his eyes, hands folded over his chest. His fishing rod was lying next to the wooden seat beside him.

"What's there to get?"

"I thought we were doing something adventurous."

"It's hot as hell out here, isn't it?"

It was. The humidity in the air hung down like a wet blanket. The heat was more bearable out on the water and the battered hat that was about two sizes too big for my head, which Gray had produced out of the back of a roommate’s truck, gave me some shade. But yeah, it was hot as hell. I dipped my hand into the water and splashed myself a little.

"How does that make it dangerous?"

"You could die from heat. A fish could capsize the boat. A gator might eat you."

I looked around the placid water.

"We don't have alligators here. I think that's a southern thing."

Gray tipped his hat back slightly so I could see his eyes. "For real, no gators?"

"I've never seen one."

"You ever been here before?" He waved an expansive hand over the water.

"No, I've never been." This place, just an hour south of the city, wasn't known to me. I'd heard of it before, but I'd never been here. Water really wasn't Will's thing. The river was quiet and there were a few boats on it. A cluster of trees and long reeds lined the shore. The whole landscape was a picture of lazy calm. "Seems safe though."

"You didn't even know about the gators not to mention all the other pitfalls."

"If it’s so dangerous, why are you lying back with your hat over your face? Shouldn't you be alert?"

I tapped the bottom of his foot with the toe of my sneaker.

"That's your job. You wanted the adventure."

"So you're just going to sleep?"

"Yeah, you protect me and let me know if I've caught anything."

“Will we stay in contact when you go back to San Diego?” I nudged his tennis shoe again.

“Sure. Friend me on Facebook.”

“You have a Facebook account?”

“Have to. Only way I can keep track of everyone from my platoon who separated.”

I stifled a giggle.

“What? Why is that funny?” he sounded indignant, or as indignant as a person can sound half asleep in a small boat.

“I just can’t see you reading a Facebook feed.” An image of Gray sitting next to me at the Central College coffee shop, flipping through Facebook feeds as we took a break from studying flashed through my mind. I chased it down and held onto the image for a moment. Longing tugged at my heart. I wasn’t ready to let him go.