‘You did say you’d understand if I couldn’t work with you any more. After what happened,’ she said.
He came to a stop a few feet away from her and propped himself against the table. ‘I did.’
She took a breath and tipped up her chin. ‘I’m not made of stone, Max. As much as I’d like to sweep what happened on Sunday under the carpet, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.’
Letting out a long sigh, he shifted against the table. ‘Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I was the one who knocked on your door when you had the strength to walk away.’
She snorted gently. ‘That wasn’t strength; it was cowardice.’
‘You’re not a coward, Cara; you just have a strong sense of self-preservation. You should consider it a gift.’
She stared down at the floor, aware of the heat of her humiliation rising to her face, not wanting him to see how weak and out of control she was right now.
‘So you start a new job next week?’ he asked quietly.
Forcing herself to look at him again, she gave him the most assertive smile she could muster. ‘Yes, at a place in the City. It’s a good company and the people were very friendly when they showed me around.’
‘I bet you could handle just about anything after having to work for me.’ He smiled, but she couldn’t return it this time. The muscles in her face wouldn’t move. They seemed to be frozen in place.
Gosh, this was awkward.
‘You’ve been good for my confidence.’ She flapped a hand at him and added, ‘Work-wise,’ when he raised his eyebrows in dispute. ‘You were great at letting me know when I’d done a good job.’
‘Only because you were brave enough to point out how bad I was at it.’
She managed a smile this time, albeit a rather wonky one. ‘Well, whatever. I really appreciated it.’
There was a tense silence where they both looked away, as if psyching themselves up to tackle the real issues.
‘Look, I’m not here to ask you to come back and work for me again,’ Max said finally, running a hand over his hair.
‘Oh. Okay,’ she whispered, fighting back the tears. She would not break down in front of him. She wouldn’t.
He frowned, as if worried about the way she’d reacted, and sighed loudly. ‘Argh! I’m so bad at this.’ He moved towards her but stopped a couple of feet away, holding up his hands. ‘I wanted to tell you that I think I’ve finally made peace with what happened to Jemima. Despite my best efforts to remain a reclusive, twisted misery guts, I think I’m going to be okay now.’ He took another step towards her, giving her a tentative smile. ‘Thanks to you.’
Forcing down the lump in her throat, she smiled back. ‘That’s good to hear, Max. Really good. I’m happy that you’re happy. And I do understand why you don’t want me to come back and work for you. It must have been hard having me hanging around your house so much.’
‘I’m going to sell the house, Cara.’
She stared at him in shock, her heart racing. ‘What? But—how can you stand to leave it? That beautiful house.’
‘I don’t care about the house. I care about us.’ This time he walked right up to her, so close she could feel the heat radiating from his body, and looked her directly in the eye. ‘I’m ready to live again and I want to do it with you.’
‘You—?’
‘Want you, Cara.’ His voice shook with emotion and she could see now that he was trembling.
‘But—? I thought you said—when did you...?’ Her voice petered out as her brain shut down in shock.
He half smiled, half frowned. ‘Clearly I need to explain some things.’ He took her hand and led her gently over to the sofa in the living area, guiding her to sit down next to him, keeping his fingers tightly locked with hers and capturing her gaze before speaking.
‘When we slept together I felt like I’d betrayed a promise to Jemima.’ He swallowed hard. ‘After what happened to her I thought I had no right to be happy and start again when she couldn’t do that. I truly thought I’d never love someone else the way I loved her, but then I realised I didn’t need to. The love I feel for you is different—just as strong, but a different flavour. Does that make sense?’
He waited for her to nod shakily before continuing. ‘I don’t want to replicate Jemima or the way it was with her. I want to experience it all afresh with you. I’ll always love Jem because she was a big part of my life for many years, but I can compartmentalise that now as part of my past.’ He squeezed her fingers hard. ‘You’re my future.’